I very much look forward to having my Saturday ruined once again by Tennessee, this time at the hands of... Kentucky. Let's just start there....
#11
Kentucky at Tennessee
The Wildcats haven’t won
in Knoxville since 1984, and haven’t beaten Tennessee back-to-back years since
1977. Will that mean anything for tomorrow? I doubt it, considering how poor
the Vols looked against Charlotte last weekend. Kentucky didn’t allow a first
down in the second half against Missouri a few weeks ago; what do you think
their defense will do against a Tennessee team that only gained 192 yards against a mediocre Group of 5 team?
This is as bad a
Tennessee squad as there’s ever been, and unlike last year’s team that quit on the
season, this group is trying week to week and they still aren’t close. The Vols need to win
two of their final three to become bowl eligible, and that seems almost
impossible based on how they’ve looked since they beat Auburn and tricked everyone into thinking they might not be half bad. I think they
lose tomorrow, which instantly makes the Mizzou game a must-win. I would’ve felt better
about that one a few weeks ago, except for the fact that the Tigers went into Florida last
weekend and won by three touchdowns. So who knows? Then they’ll finish the year
at Vanderbilt hoping to avoid losing to the Commodores three years in a row for
the first time since 1926.
Side note: it’s time to
bring back the Beer Barrel. Every year from 1925-1997, the winner of this game
was given as a trophy a half orange, half blue barrel. The trophy gave the
rivalry a little pizzazz, something it now lacks despite the fact that it’s one
of the oldest rivalries in all of college football. Yes, yes, I realize some
Kentucky players were involved in a fatal car accident involving alcohol 20 years ago, which
prompted the end of the tradition, but it’s ridiculous to think the name of a
trophy had any bearing on that tragedy, or that because the trophy is gone,
fans and students of either school are suddenly going to start making
responsible choices with alcohol. I say bring it back! With as poorly as the
Vols have played the last couple of years, it’s not like they’ll ever get to actually
win it. But still!
Prediction: Kentucky
TCU
at #9 West Virginia
West Virginia needs to
win this one to remain in the playoff race, and I think they’ll do that by
beating a TCU team that hasn’t had a good win since September, and even lost to Kansas a few weeks ago.
Side note: I had a
conversation with a few West Virginia fans this week, and of course I had to
ask them about Dana Holgorsen’s “hair” and his alcohol related incidents. They
loved his hair in a very, “I DON’T CARE IF HE’S A CRAZY S.O.B, HE’S OUR CRAZY
S.O.B” kind of way, but what was shocking was that they felt he should’ve been
fired over his multiple alcohol related benders, blackouts, and wild times. Is
this a commonly-held view by West Virginia people? No offense here, but in the
belt-buckle of the moonshining word, I wouldn’t have thought people would be
upset about their football coach having a few too many on multiple occasions.
Hell, Coach H is so disheveled all the time that he constantly looks like he’s
walking back to the bar to get his next drink.
Prediction: West Virginia
#10
Ohio State at #18 Michigan State
I have no clue what to do
with this game. I don’t think the Spartans have a quarterback who can consistently
complete passes more than 10 yards downfield, no matter if it’s Brian Lewerke
or Rocky Lombardi, while Ohio State can’t run the ball or stop anyone on
defense. The Buckeyes are extremely dependent on QB Dwayne Haskins to be
outstanding every single week, but if he were to falter one Saturday....
Regardless, I don’t expect them to factor into the playoff
discussion all that much since I already predicted that they’re going to lose
by three touchdowns to Michigan when they play in a few weeks. I’ll take the
Buckeyes tomorrow only because I don’t think the Spartans get consistent
enough play from the quarterback position to make Ohio State pay for being so
lackluster on the defensive end.
Side note: are we sure
this isn’t going to be Urban Meyer’s last year in Columbus? He’s already had
his “reputation” destroyed by this Zach Smith incident that cost him the first
three games of the regular season, and don't forget that he retired from one big time job,
Florida, back after the 2010 season due to health issues. And then you look at
him on the sidelines; I joked on Monday that he constantly looks like he just
went through a forced accidental lobotomy. And then he’s been talking about
having these memory issues (which might’ve been a cover for “forgetting”
details about the Zach Smith situation, but whatever) and it all makes me think
that he might just retire at the end of the year. And if that does happen, then
who the hell is getting that job, which is one of the best in all of sports? There’s
not a whole lot of great candidates out there! I like Matt Campbell at Iowa
State, but come on, he’s far from a guarantee. Are you going to promote Ryan
Day, who was the interim in Urban’s absence? I mean, he looked in command on
the sidelines, but does that mean he’s got the skill set to run the OSU program?
Or how about superstar coach Greg Schiano? Oh wait, that guy actually sucks?
Yeah, that’s right. Would you try and poach a coach from another big time school,
the same way Texas A&M stole Jimbo from FSU? Regardless, the big time, home
run, win-the-press-conference guy isn’t out there, or at least hasn’t made
himself known yet, unless you can convince Bob Stoops to come out of retirement
(and I don’t see that happening either). It could be a fascinating off-season
in Columbus.
Prediction: Ohio State
South
Carolina at #15 Florida
It’s Will Muschamp’s
second return to “The Swamp” since he was fired as the Gator coach back in
2014. I’ve soured a bit on Florida with how poor they’ve looked the last two
weeks against Georgia and Missouri, while South Carolina has won their last two
and is only one win away from bowl eligibility. I still don’t think Muschamp
and his beer gut will be a roaring success at South Carolina, and he’s
benefited at times this season by being just less horrible than the rest of the teams in the
SEC. I also can’t find a good win on their schedule… Tennessee? They’re awful.
Ole Miss? They can’t stop anyone. Missouri? The Tigers have one conference win,
and would’ve beaten South Carolina in Columbia if not for a Noah’s Ark-level rain
storm that completely flipped the game. So despite the fact that Gator QB
Feleipe Franks can’t complete passes down the field of more than five yards, I’ll
take Florida here to win an ugly, sloppy, rock fight.
Prediction: Florida
Wisconsin
at #20 Penn State
Here’s a showdown of
arguably the two most disappointing teams in the country, both of whom have three
losses despite the fact that they were getting playoff buzz from some before
the season. I like the Nittany Lions at home here because Wisconsin QB Alex
Hornibrook’s noodle arm isn’t anywhere close to being good enough to challenge
the weak PSU secondary, a unit that’s killed them most of the year.
#4
Michigan at Rutgers
I’m only picking this game
because Michigan is involved in the playoff race, but unless the Lord Jesus
Christ comes down to the field and plays all 22 positions for Rutgers, they’ve
got no shot here. The Scarlet Knights are 1-8 with eight losses in a row, they lost
to Buffalo by 29 and Kansas by 41, and they haven’t won a
conference game since November 4th of last season. Michigan hasn’t
allowed 300 yards of offense since Week 3; could they allow less than 50 yards
tomorrow? 75? Why not?
Prediction: Michigan by a
1000
#16
Mississippi State at #1 Alabama
Listen, congratulations
Mississippi State for getting it turned around the last two weeks against Texas
A&M and Louisiana Tech. Great. This is a totally different animal in
Tuscaloosa. The Tide are going to beat them so bad that Bulldog head coach Joe
Moorhead might realize he shouldn’t be coaching football on any level and
instead should be fulfilling his destiny as an accountant who masquerades as a
superstar Magic: The Gathering player on the weekends.
Prediction: Alabama
Oklahoma
State at #6 Oklahoma
Oklahoma has one of the
most incredible offenses I’ve ever seen in my entire life backed by one of the
worst defenses ever fielded by a blue chip program. I think Kyler Murray is
either the best or second best college football player I’ve seen the entire
year (it’s him or Tua), and I’m not sure it matters how badly his defense plays
in these conference games because I think he could put up 60 against any Big 12
opponent. When they were down 14-0 in the first quarter to Texas Tech last Saturday, I told my Angry Old Man the score might as well be 0-0 because the
Red Raiders weren’t going to stop anyone, the Sooners were going to score at
least 50 points, and a two touchdown lead in the Big 12 is about as daunting as
a three point lead in any other conference.
The only Big 12 team that
hasn’t scored at least 30 points against Oklahoma State this season was Kansas,
and even they got to 28. Why can’t Oklahoma get to 50+ again? 60?
Side note: why the hell
is Bedlam (the name of this rivalry) not at the end of the season? Who is making
this ridiculous decision? If it’s because “we don’t want them meeting in the
last week of the season and then again the next week in the Big 12 Championship
Game”, that’s stupid, because OU could be in that exact situation with West
Virginia this very season. Do the right thing, Big 12. Bedlam should always be
the last Saturday of the regular season just like almost all of the other
in-state rivalries.
Prediction: Oklahoma
#8
Washington State at Colorado
This is Washington State’s
last road game of the year, and also a have-to-have-it game against a crappy
Colorado team that’s lost four times in a row. I’m not sure the Cougars will
win out (that Washington game in Pullman the Friday after Thanksgiving will be
tough), but I don’t think they’ll have their playoff-eliminating loss here, either.
#24
Auburn at #5 Georgia
“The Deep South’s Oldest
Rivalry” pits two programs against each other going in opposite directions. Georgia came within
overtime of winning a national title in Kirby Smart’s second year last season,
and appear poised to be in the national title race for years to come.
Meanwhile, Auburn’s head coach Gus Malzahn is just 21-17 in his last 38
conference games, has a $30+ million buyout, and with probable losses to both
Georgia and Alabama in the last three weeks of the season, is on his way to his
third .500 or worse record in conference play in the last five seasons. Georgia
seems to have figured out their issues in the running game, and while I’m not
sure their defense is good (particularly in the back end), Auburn QB Jarrett
Stidham, who was supposed to be a first round pick in the 2019 NFL draft, hasn’t
been able to punish anyone all season, and in fact, he’s oftentimes been the
best asset of many opposing SEC defenses. If Texas A&M doesn’t screw up the
fourth quarter last week against the Tigers, we’re talking about a four loss Auburn team here and a Georgia
victory by at least three touchdowns. Why should A&M botching the fourth
quarter make anyone think higher of the Tigers? I certainly don’t.
Prediction: Georgia by
three touchdowns
Florida
State at #3 Notre Dame
The only reason this one
won’t be 45-14 is because Irish starting quarterback Ian Book is going to be
out with an injury, meaning Notre Dame will be relying on Brandon Wimbush, who
wasn’t able to guide the Irish to more than 24 points in any of his three
starts back in September. The best news for Notre Dame is that they’ll be
playing Willie Taggart, who is arguably the worst hire of the entire off-season
by any blue chip program. This game is more interesting than it was a week ago,
but I don’t think the FSU offense is good enough, particularly against a
defense like the Irish have, to legitimately challenge them EVEN IF Wimbush is
only able to lead them to 24 points or less again. Notre Dame is definitely
going to want Book back before the Syracuse game at Yankee Stadium next
Saturday though, because that game, which should already scare Irish fans,
becomes even shakier if Wimbush has to quarterback them in what will be his
first start away from home in all of 2018.
Prediction: Notre Dame
#7
LSU at Arkansas
I think the Tigers are
going to win this game, and probably handily, but I wonder how LSU fans should
be feeling about the state of their program at this point. Ed Orgeron has
gotten three shots against Saban and Alabama so far and hasn’t come close yet
(they’ve scored 10 points in 12 quarters against them). He’ll also be 58 by the
start of next season, doesn’t bring much to the table scheme-wise (particularly
on offense) and has so far won at a worse clip than his predecessor Les Miles did for over a
decade. Are you ever going to make the college football playoff with Orgeron as
your head coach? No. Are you ever going to win the SEC with Coach O? Again, no.
How about challenge Saban? Same. So you’ve got a coach in his late 50s who isn’t
ever going to make the college playoff, win the conference, or beat his biggest
rival, only he wins just enough where you can’t even really talk about firing
him? Sounds like a nightmare scenario.
Prediction: LSU
#2
Clemson at #17 Boston College
I don’t understand all
the praise being heaped on Clemson, a program that has run through a
historically bad ACC. Colin Cowherd was all in on them beating Alabama this
week, which makes no sense to me. They don’t have any good wins and their isn’t
a quality team left on their schedule, including Boston College, who they
should slaughter tomorrow as well. BC’s best chance would be if the Tigers get
off the airplane in Massachusetts and decide they hate cold weather more than
torture and let it affect them, because the forecast tomorrow at kickoff sounds
awful: 40 degrees and windy. Sheesh. I don’t see the Tigers collapsing due to the weather though. Maybe it would be a bigger problem if BC was an actual legitimate opponent.
What’s going
to be great is when the Tigers win out, make the playoff, and then get crushed
by whoever they play in their semifinal game. That will be ultimate vindication for me.
Prediction: Clemson
Enjoy football this weekend!
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