Week 3 of the college
football season was a fantastic one, full of upsets, close finishes, coaching
malpractice, and Ed Orgeron somehow shutting up all his critics despite the
fact that he’s a swamp monster incapable of clearly articulating even one sentence.
Hell, let’s just start there…
LSU
Went Into Jordan-Hare And Beat Auburn
On Friday I picked Auburn
to win because I thought the better QB + better coach + home field advantage
would be too much for LSU to overcome. The problem was that I screwed up the
equation because Jarrett Stidham was really poor yesterday and I forgot that Gus Malzahn had morphed from an average football coach into a guy that looks like an accountant
who would do your taxes poorly.
Let’s start with Stidham;
his two interceptions were just awful. The first one on the opening possession led to an easy LSU touchdown, while the other occurred in the third quarter with Auburn up 21-13
and driving for what could’ve potentially been the put away touchdown. This guy
is supposed to be an NFL first rounder, but all he’s done against the best two
opponents he played this season (Washington and LSU) was throw for a combined
471 yards, two TDs, and two interceptions. Nothing spectacular, or even above
average, there.
And then there’s Malzahn,
the supposed offensive “guru” who helped guide the Tigers to a paltry 328 yards
yesterday. What does this guy do that’s really special? He seems destined for another three or four loss season in conference play, the offense
has been stale against the best two opponents they’ve played this season, and
if Washington doesn’t screw up back to back possessions in the red zone, Auburn
is 1-2 and Malzahn is on the hottest seat in the country. Let’s be honest here,
Gus has been extremely lucky with fluky plays at the end of three of the
biggest games of his career; the Georgia game in 2013 that ended with a miracle
Hail Mary, the Kick Six against Alabama from the same year, and the “Loser
Leaves Town” game against LSU in 2016, when the Tigers had the game-winning TD
called back because they didn’t get the play off in time before the clock hit
triple zeros. If he loses even one of those games, he’s already out of there
and doesn’t have a chance to blow another talented Auburn team’s season. If
Stidham continues to play poorly, not only will their year be cooked, but so will Gus's tenure on the Plains
As for LSU, I’m shocked
they’ve played as well as they have under Orgeron. I’ve made fun of him more
times than anyone in this space outside of Butch Jones, but hilariously enough
he’s been pretty successful there thus far. Here’s this interesting tidbit;
since the start of last season, the Swamp Monster has beaten as many top ten
teams, three, as both Nick Saban and Urban Meyer. Les Miles didn’t leave the
cupboard bare when he got fired two years ago, but Orgeron has to get some
credit for keeping it from totally coming unhinged in Baton Rouge, something I never would've expected when they hired him back in 2016. When
a guy goes 3-21 in conference play at Ole Miss, is impossible to understand at
a random press conference on a Monday, was hired partly because 1. Tom Herman
told you no in favor of Texas and 2. the whole, “WE’VE NEVER HAD A NATIVE
LOUISIANAN COACH LSU” thing, and that all the supporting evidence suggests that you were formed in the swamps of the Bayou by magic Cajun voodoo, and it makes sense that everyone, including me, thought it was going to be a disaster. So far I’ve looked like an
idiot. We’ll see what happens in early November when they play Alabama.
Joe Burrow was pretty inaccurate
yesterday (15-34!) but still somehow outplayed Stidham. He’s by no means a
superstar, but he doesn’t turn the ball over and he's been able to make some
nice throws when they’ve needed it. Their game-winning field goal drive, a 14
play, 52 yarder that chewed up the remaining 5:38 of the clock was highlighted
by a conversion on 3rd and 7 and 4th and 7, both on
throws made by Burrow.
The problem going forward
for LSU is that their schedule is still absolutely brutal. They get Louisiana
Tech at home next week, but follow it up with this gauntlet: Ole Miss, at
Florida, Georgia, Mississippi State, bye week, Alabama. This team could be phenomenal and they could still end up losing three of those.
Ohio
State Shook Off A Tough First Half And Dominated The Final Thirty Minutes
TCU whooped them up and
down the field most of the first half before the Buckeyes exploded for
three touchdowns in the span of four minutes in the 3rd quarter thanks to a Parris Campbell 63
yard receiving TD, an abominable throw on a shovel pass from TCU QB Shawn Robinson that was intercepted
and returned for a score, and a dropped snap by the TCU punter that led to a block and a short touchdown drive by OSU.
I was impressed with TCU,
particularly their defense, which looked fast and made Ohio State QB Dwayne
Haskins look mortal for the first time all season, but they made so many
mistakes in the second half that they blew what could’ve been a winnable game.
The Buckeyes really
impressed me with how they played after the intermission, in what was basically
a road game against a quality opponent outside of their region without their head coach Urban Meyer on the sidelines. They made all the big plays in the second half and looked like one of the few teams that could give Alabama a tough game. Their trip to Beaver Stadium to play Penn State in two weeks is going to
be really fun.
The
Big Ten Might Be Really Awful Outside Of Ohio State And Penn State
Here’s a recap: Kansas,
who hadn’t beaten consecutive FBS teams since 2009 AND lost to FCS Nicholls
State in Week 1, blasted Rutgers 55-14. USF knocked off Illinois, Northwestern
was defeated by Akron, Nebraska lost to Troy (and started Savior Scott Frost
out 0-2 at his alma mater), and Temple blew out Maryland 35-14. In other
results, #6 Wisconsin lost on missed last second field goal to BYU and their
coach Kalani Sitake, a guy who looks like he should be delivering Pepsi’s to
gas stations, while Purdue gave up a gazillion yards to Missouri and lost again
to drop to 0-3. Throw in Michigan’s offense, which was horrific against Notre
Dame, the only legitimate opponent they’ve played thus far, and Michigan State,
who struggled mightily with Utah State and then lost to Arizona State, and were
basically down to two teams, Ohio State and Penn State, who will play each
other in what might be a de facto Big Ten Championship Game in two weeks.
I think I’m pretty much
done with Wisconsin at this point. Sure, sure, they’ll probably end up winning
the Big Ten West, but Alex Hornibrook is probably the worst quarterback on any
of the teams ranked in the Top 25. He really brought nothing to the table all
game and finished with a pedestrian 190 yards on 18-28 passing and an
interception. He’s just not good enough to be the quarterback of a team that
wins a conference title or makes the playoff.
Everyone outside of the
South has been riding this whole “the Big Ten is better than the SEC” nonsense
the last couple of years, and all of those people were idiots. The SEC has a
bunch of guys coaching their teams that should be position coaches or gym
teachers and it’d still be impossible for them to have a Saturday as bad as the
one the Big Ten just had.
Oh, and here's a photo of BYU's Kalani Sitake. I wonder where he parked his 18 wheeler?
Which Fan Base Should Feel The Worst About Their New Coach?
Nebraska and Scott Frost
are 0-2, UCLA and Chip Kelly are 0-3 (woah), Florida and Dan Mullen don’t have
a quarterback and had their 31 year winning streak over Kentucky snapped last
Saturday, and yet, I don't thin
Two other programs come to mind:
Arkansas isn’t the
biggest, sexiest program out there, but they lost to Colorado State last week
and then got destroyed yesterday at home by North Texas. Their new coach Chad
Morris looks like a shady politician who just got caught up in a scandal that
he has no idea how to get out of.
Are we sure this guy should be a head coach
at a Power 5 program? What were his qualifications? He was the Clemson
offensive coordinator from 2011-2014 when they won… nothing substantial, and
then followed that up by going 14-22 at SMU from 2015-2017. His best record at
SMU was 7-5, which is hilarious, because Bret Bielema, who everyone agrees was a disaster at
Arkansas, won at least 7 games in three of his five years there. So you’re
firing Bielema and replacing him with a guy who had a worse record at a program
that plays a significantly weaker schedule every year than the job he's about to take? How does that make any
sense?
But as bad as Morris has
been, not even he can come close to the train wreck that Willie Taggart has
been at Florida State, a disaster we all saw coming. Getting beat down 30-7 like
they did yesterday by Syracuse (they hadn’t lost to them since 1966!) should be
immediate grounds for firing, especially with how his first month has gone,
except for the simple fact that the FSU athletic department is stupid and
agreed to give Taggart a contract that would guarantee him 85% of his remaining
salary should he be fired after his first year. THAT’S $20.4 MILLION. How
effing dumb do you have to be to give a guy a deal like that when he’s a career
47-50 with only one ten win season?
The bad news is that the ‘Noles
have scored a combined ten points in their two games against FBS opponents.
There is no good news.
And the execution at the
end of the first half was awful. FSU was only trailing 6-0 at that point and were driving for what should’ve been at least a field goal. On third down with
less than 15 seconds to go, with the ball in the red zone and with
no timeouts, their QB Deondre Francois completed a pass in bounds AND short of the first
down marker, which ran the clock all the way down and kept the Seminoles from
scoring at all. That’s some Butch Jones-level BS right there. I’d be near suicidal if
I was an FSU fan right now. We’ve got this clown for at least another year? Holy
hell.
Texas
Destroyed USC And Proved Further That Clay Helton Is Nothing More Than A
Traveling Tube Sock Salesman
USC took a dump on the
field offensively for most of game against Texas, and yet, the 14 points they scored
tonight were somehow the most the Trojans have put up in a Clay Helton-coached
game without Sam Darnold since he got the job full time in 2016. And including the time
where he was an interim head coach, he’s only 8-8 in games without
Darnold as his quarterback. Both he and Tom Herman desperately needed to win
this showdown to earn some goodwill with their frustrated fan bases, and Helton
did nothing to stop the heat. The only thing that’s really helping him now is
that Chip Kelly is off to such a bad start at UCLA.
As for Herman, I’m not
sure if he’s got the Longhorns trending in the right direction now or not, but
what I can say with 100% certainty is that he was so overjoyed after beating USC that he visited
every Austin strip club he could last night.
Tennessee-Florida
Next Saturday Is Going To Be 10-9
In 2014 in Knoxville,
these teams played one of the worst offensive games in the history of the SEC, a 10-9 crap fest that set football back almost to the days before the forward pass. Next week’s showdown should be something similar; both teams are so challenged offensively that
they’ll make the average defenses in this game look like the ’71 Nebraska Cornhuskers (that
joke was for my over 50 readers). I think I’d take Jarrett Guarantano over
Feleipe Franks, but the Vol offensive line sucks so much and neither team really
has any game breakers.
Tennessee was mediocre against UTEP yesterday, and it was really embarrassing to watch the Vols slog around with a team that has now lost 15 straight games. There’s just no momentum around this program
right now, and beating Florida next week, even if it’s ugly, feels like a
really big game for Jeremy Pruitt early in his tenure. This is a bad Florida
team and you’re at home; just take care of business and start your head
coaching career off at 3-1. Even if you suck the next month due to your brutal
schedule, at least the Florida win would be something you can hang your hat on
and something that the fan base can rally around.
Ejecting
Players For Targeting Is Stupid
Unless a guy commits a
thuggish, dirty play, I think tossing a guy out because the crown of his helmet
hit an offensive player's helmet is stupid. The game is fast as hell and the
ball carrier could duck into your helmet at that last second. So I could be
making the perfect form tackle and an offensive guy could be trying to avoid my
tackle and drop his helmet into mine and I’d get thrown out because of that?
That makes no sense. If you’re so concerned about eliminating helmet to helmet
contact, just penalize the team 15 yards and move on. Because you’re not
deterring anything by throwing guys out since a lot of these hits are
completely accidental and the defensive players aren’t even trying to launch
themselves like a missile at an offensive guys head. A guy punches someone in
the face or tries to rip his head off, sure, toss him. Otherwise it’s stupid to
throw him out for something he more often than not has no control over.
My
College Playoff Top 4 After Week 3
1. Alabama
The Tide are like Mike
Tyson in the 80s at this point; you tune in for the first round (or quarter),
and it’s over almost as soon as it begins. ‘Bama gave up a long touchdown less than 30
seconds into their game against Ole Miss yesterday AND THEY STILL HAD THE GAME
IN HAND BY THE END OF THE FIRST QUARTER. I thought the Rebels would at least be
competitive for three quarters, but Alabama threw up 62 straight points on them
like it was nothing. Tua is the best quarterback that Saban has ever had, and
he gives them an explosive element in the passing game that they’ve never had
before. If he continues to play this well, this could be the best Saban team
even with their youth on defense.
2. Ohio State
The Buckeyes had the best
win of the whole season last night when they went into Jerry World and knocked off
TCU. They get Urban Meyer back next week and approach a Big Ten schedule that
may be much easier than we all thought going into the season.
3. Georgia
The ‘Dawgs blasted MTSU
and moved to 3-0. They’ll go on the road this weekend to play Missouri. They
should be able to move the ball at will against that putrid Mizzou defense, but they may also have a difficult time slowing down Drew Lock and the Tiger offense.
4. Oklahoma
Kyler Murray is
phenomenal, and if they held the vote today, I think he should win the Heisman.
Iowa State threw a lot at him yesterday and he didn’t really seem fazed by
it. The concern for the Sooners going forward is that their defense is below
average and they really lack physicality on that end. Iowa State scored 3
points and amassed only 188 yards against Iowa last week, while they put up 27
points and 447 yards yesterday. What changed? Probably the fact that OU’s
defense doesn’t do anything special.
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