College football is back in this space this week, as the
first of the zillion bowl games begin this weekend. I’ll be honest; there isn’t
anything that excites me quite like South Alabama and Bowling
Green in the Raycom Media Camellia Bowl. That just
screams “BIG TIME” and “MUST SEE TV”…. except it actually doesn’t.
We all already know that there are too many bowl games, so
spending any time yelling about it until my vocal cords give out from
laryngitis is pretty much pointless. Plus, all these games just give me more
picks to whiff on worse than “Casey at the Bat”, right?
Without further ado, let’s move on to my college football
bowl picks from tomorrow until December 26th (I’ll pick the rest of
them, including the playoff games, next Friday).
R + L Carriers New Orleans
Louisiana-Lafayette over Nevada
I’m not going to pretend that I can offer a coherent
football thought about either of these teams (as will be the case with a lot of
these games today), so instead, I’m just going to create some sort of creative,
zany, or completely ridiculous reason to pick the winner. Plus, most of the
time, every bowl game is pretty much a crapshoot anyway. In this case, let’s
look at the team nicknames. Nevada
is the Wolf Pack. Solid name right? It’s scary, there’s the whole “teamwork”
undertone present in there, and they’ve got the always underrated team-nickname-that-doesn’t-end-with-an
“s” angle working in their favor.
Is there a better and more creative nickname in college
sports than “Ragin’ Cajuns” though? At least right now, I can’t think of one.
It rhymes, it pays homage to the region, and it just sounds angry. If team
nickname is the only criteria, (and in this case, it is), then good luck to
anyone who is playing Louisiana-Lafayette. Ragin’ Cajuns is great.
Gildan New Mexico
Like the last game, I pretty much have no idea with this
one, though I did watch every snap of a game Utah
State Tennessee …..
all the way back in the first week of the season. So any observation I gathered
in that 38-7 win by the Vols is probably useless. I’m going with Utah
State Kansas State
Royal Purple Las Vegas
#22 Utah over Colorado
State
Wow! It’s Utah ,
a team I actually watched multiple times this year! Amazing! The Utes, despite
deciding they didn’t want to play good football anymore after I started saying
things like, “I’m a believer in Utah” and, “Oregon better watch out, they’re
going to have a tough game at Utah in two weeks”, are still better than Colorado
State, a team that just lost their head coach, Jim McElwain, to Florida. Just
for the record, I, despite the fact that I’ll be rooting against him harder
than every American rooted against the Soviet Union
during the Cold War, think he’ll do a really good job in Gainesville ,
assuming he can find a way to recruit some special offensive skill position
players. That doesn’t seem like that impossible of a task, until you remember
that Will Muschamp was completely incapable of doing this, despite the fact
that the state of Florida
produces a million fast, quick, speedy freaks every year.
Famous Idaho
Air Force over Western Michigan
And, with that, we’re back to teams I didn’t watch all
season. Air Force did win the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy this season though,
which is given annually to the winner of the triangular series between them,
Army, and Navy. That’s got to count for something, right? Doesn’t it? No? It
doesn’t? Oh, well yeah, actually, you’re right.
Raycom Media Camellia Bowl
I trashed this game earlier, so instead of trying to dignify
it with any type of breakdown, I’ll just make a pick, and move on.
Boca Raton Bowl
The Thundering Herd (another excellent nickname!) are one
point away from being 13-0. I don’t know how much that ultimately matters, or
will affect this game, but I just thought I’d mention it.
Navy over San Diego
State
Maybe the most ridiculous bowl name. I mean seriously? You
can’t even fit that on a T-shirt, or a hat, without having the letters go all
the way around the cap. The only way this one loses the title of “Worst Bowl
Name” is if Waste Management or “Old Man Hemorrhoid Cream” ever sponsor a game.
Then, and only then.
Popeye’s Bahamas
Yeah, because nothing screams “Bahamas ”
quite like “Popeye’s”. What a perfect fit.
Rice over Fresno State
Is their a better location for a bowl game than Hawaii ?
Great weather, beautiful women, and it is, by geography, the most unique and
isolated state in the Union . This might be the only time
in those athletes’ entire lives that they get the opportunity to go there. If I
was a college football player, and my team wasn’t involved in the playoff, or
one of the New Years’ Six bowl games, send me to Hawaii .
Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas Bowl
Last time I made a prediction about a game involving La Tech
(the Conference USA Championship Game), I picked against them because I wasn’t
sure they were quite able to get the stink of former coach Derek Dooley out of
the program yet. Apparently, that logic was unassailable, because they, in
typical Dooley fashion, lost the game. Illinois
is terrible though…. They can beat them right? Or will the ghost of Dooley
emerge once again to haunt them? It probably will, but, because I’m an idiot,
I’m going to pick them.
Quick Lane Bowl
I hope this game is over “Quick”ly….. BOOM!!!! I think that
might be the first pun I’ve ever written. Should I even be proud of that one
though? (Thinking…..) No, probably not. That was bad. I’m sorry.
This might be one of the few games where a team from a worse
conference (in this case, UCF) has better athletes across the board than a
school from the ACC (in this case, N.C.
State Orlando campus.
So there you have it. That, as painful as it was in A LOT of
places, is our first wave of bowl games. The ones after the 26th get
significantly better though, for the most part.
Now, let’s move on to the NFL, the league that actually has
multiple games that aren’t snooze fests this week (home team in CAPS).
Titans over JAGUARS
Yeah, I missed this one. What a terrible Thursday night
match up. Way to go NFL. Let’s just put two of the worst five teams on national
television late in the season. Good thinking guys. Thanks for subjecting me to
that level of brain trauma last night.
Eagles over REDSKINS
Our first of two Saturday games this weekend! I’ll tell you
what, there’s nothing better than watching Redskin football right now. Just seeing
RG3 look like a lost little boy out there every week is one of the great
running jokes in the NFL right now. So thank you for that!
On the Philadelphia
front, there, for the seventh straight game, will be no Nick Foles. I don’t
think he’s great, but he’s definitely an upgrade over Mark Sanchez, who has put
up the most Sanchez numbers possible since he began starting in Foles’ place:
he’s thrown 10 TDs and 9 interceptions, and led the Eagles to a 3-3 record.
He’s put up points on some average-to-bad defenses, and struggled mightily
against everyone else (like Seattle ,
for example). Those numbers over the last six games are pretty much what he is,
and indicative of his ultimate NFL destiny; a career backup, who can come in,
run your team, score some points, and go at least .500, assuming he’s
surrounded by semi-decent personnel. He’s not as bad as the media and fans made
him out to be, but he’s also never going to be a quarterback that was worth the
5th overall pick. And you aren’t going to win a Super Bowl with him
in the starting lineup. Philly needs Foles. And even if they get him back for
Week 17, it may not matter, because winning out doesn’t guarantee them a
playoff spot. Just brutal.
Chargers over 49ERS
A must win for the Bolts. Fortunately for San
Diego , the Niners were eliminated from playoff
contention last Sunday (what kind of motivation will they have the last two
weeks? My guess? Not much), Jim Harbaugh appears to be seriously flirting with
Michigan, and Colin Kaepernick has less confidence on the football field than
Shaq does at the free throw line. They caught this team at the perfect time,
and hopefully, the Chargers will be able to capitalize on that, so I won’t look
like an idiot for defiantly sticking by them all season. Or, the offensive line
could betray them for the third straight week, causing them to lose an
extremely frustrating 13-10 type of game, with lots of turnovers and completely
inept play from both offenses. Gulp.
DOLPHINS over Vikings
I can’t believe Minnesota
is 6-8 this season. They’ve started a rookie most of the year, got only one
game out of their best player, Adrian Peterson, and have had virtually no
contribution, either on offense, or in special teams, from Cordarrelle Patterson.
Sure, they have the 11th ranked defense in the league, but the
offense looks nothing like the way people envisioned it would be all the way
back in August. Imagine if Peterson hadn’t decided it was a good idea to open
up multiple wounds on his four year old son; he’s worth at least two or three
additional wins, right? What if this team was 8-6 or 9-5 right now? They’d be
right in the middle of the playoff race! Instead, they’re 6-8, and will be 6-9
after they lose in Miami this week
to a superior team. It’s a lost season in Minneapolis ,
all because Peterson lost his cool and went way overboard in disciplining his
son. What a waste.
Ravens over TEXANS
I’d be more inclined to pick Houston
if they had any idea about what they were doing at the quarterback position.
Case Keenum? Thad Lewis? Who?
Lions over BEARS
The Jay Cutler era in Chicago
has officially hit rock bottom. He was horrendous last week (three picks, 54.8%
completions), and it’s never a good thing when you get benched in favor of Jimmy
Clausen, who was Ryan Leaf-level bad in his one abbreviated season of
starting in Carolina. That 7 year, 120 million dollar deal the Bears gave
Cutler after last season might be the worst and most egregious waste of funds
in the history of the NFL. The team will owe him a guaranteed 54 million
through the first three years of that deal. Divide that by three, and they’ve
basically paid him 18 million this season for 24 turnovers over 14 games.
Really? 18 million for that level of production? Sheesh.
I don’t expect the Clausen-led Bears to put up all that much
resistance this week, and the Lions will get their do-or-die game for the
division next week in Green Bay . I
can’t wait for that one.
PANTHERS over Browns
Could Cam Newton actually play this week? It would be incredible,
considering he was in a pretty serious car accident just last Tuesday. Even
without him, I don’t have any faith in the Browns and Johnny Manziel, on the
road, after last week’s embarrassing loss to Cincinnati .
Is it too late to go back to Hoyer? For all the talk about how terrible he was,
Hoyer never had a game as poor as the one Johnny Football played last Sunday.
SAINTS over Falcons
What a stupid game. The fact that this one, between the 5-9
Falcons, and the 6-8 Saints, has playoff implications is the biggest on-field
tragedy of the NFL season. Either I’ll be excited about this game once it
starts, or I’ll be spend the entire time trying to drill an ice pick into my
temple. I haven’t decided yet, and I won’t know until kickoff. I’m going with New
Orleans , solely because I have no idea what kind of
Julio Jones Atlanta will get this weekend. His hip injury kept him from
practicing today, and he’s questionable for Sunday’s game. Even if he does
play, he won’t be 100%, and I’m not sure the Falcons can win an enormous, have-to-have-it
game against a better team at home.
Packers over BUCCANEERS
I tried to create a scenario in my head where Tampa
Bay
STEELERS over Chiefs
Pittsburgh is such a frustrating team to pick week-to-week,
because they have almost as many great wins (Indianapolis, Baltimore,
Cincinnati) as they do stupid losses (Tampa Bay, New York Jets, Saints). I literally
feel like I’m rolling the dice and praying they don’t screw up every single
week. Still, on paper, they’re a better team, and the team they’re playing,
K.C. has a worse vertical passing game than at least 50% of all middle school
teams. The Pittsburgh offense has been, when they aren’t losing dumb games,
explosive, and the Steeler pass rush has random games every once in a while
where they completely take over the game and blow up the quarterback like 20
times. I’ll pick them solely on the fact that they, at their apex, are five
times better than the Chiefs at theirs.
Patriots over JETS
I mean, do I even need to say anything else? It’s the Jets!
They’re terrible! The entire Patriot defense could play blindfolded on Sunday
and still pick off Geno Smith three or four times.
RAMS over Giants
Bills over RAIDERS
I like Derek Carr, but I like the Buffalo
defense even more this week. The Bills have the same problem as the Rams;
they’re just an above-average quarterback away from being really interesting
and dangerous. Kyle Orton and Shaun Hill aren’t the answer for any team with
playoff aspirations.
COWBOYS over Colts
I feel terrible about this pick. It makes sense to pick
Dallas, the team at home, against a Colts’ team that really doesn’t need this
game as badly as Big D does. But then you remember that Demarco Murray just had
hand surgery on Monday (how effective will he be on Sunday? I have no idea),
and that this is still the Cowboys, who live to break their fans’ hearts. That
game hasn’t happened YET this year, but wouldn’t it be the most Cowboy thing
possible for them, off an extremely important, overwhelmingly emotional, road
win in Philly, to come home and absolutely lay an egg in a pretty important
game? I can see it now; Jason Garrett magically turns back into “Bad Play
Calling Jason Garrett”, and decides he wants Tony Romo to throw the ball 50 or
more times, leading to that inevitable moment late in the 4th
quarter where Romo throws a stupid pass into triple coverage that gets picked
off, killing their last chance, followed by Skip Baseless bursting all of the
blood vessels in his head screaming about the Dallas loss on Monday morning.
That couldn’t happen, could it? Dallas
is smarter than that right? They’ve gotten all the embarrassing, gut punch
losses out of their system correct? I think they have, and this feels like a
different team than those squads from years past, but who knows? Regardless,
I’m either going to feel like a genius, or an idiot when I wake up the next
day. It’s one or the other, with no in-between.
Seahawks over CARDINALS
Broncos over BENGALS
Finally, the Monday Night Game. I picked 10 road teams this
week! My predictions could get ugly, and get there quickly. Then again, that’s
kind of a weekly reality for me. Oh well.
I’m really concerned about Manning’s arm strength. I haven’t
seen him throw an absolute strike down the field in what seems like eight
weeks. Every throw is wobbly, and it floats its way to the receiver, before
ultimately dying in the air and slowly falling slowly towards the turf. It’s no
coincidence that he hasn’t had a game over 300 yards passing since November 16th.
As the weather has gotten colder, Manning’s arm strength has rapidly declined.
They won’t need him to be great to beat Cincinnati
on Monday, but they won’t win the Super Bowl with this Manning either. In fact,
as tragic as it is, I think this Manning is here to stay. His throws were weak
early in the season, when the weather was warm. I can’t see him, at 38 years
old, after three neck surgeries, magically morphing back into the 32 year old
version of himself that could power the ball wherever he needed it to go. It’s
been a great run for Manning, and a great career, but it might be over sooner
than we think.
-
Finally, as promised, the unveiling football picks record
for the season, something I promised I’d do on Monday. I went back and
double-checked this to make sure I did my math correctly, and got the same
numbers twice. And if I messed up the numbers, either I can’t count, or I can’t
read. Honestly, I’m not sure what’s worse. Anyway, let’s just move on…..
My College Record: 59-34
My NFL Record: 124-67
My Overall Record: 183-101
See, I’m not THAT much of an idiot! Right? RIGHT???
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