Thursday, September 22, 2016

The Ill Omens of Tennessee and Florida


It’s Florida week guys.
Or, in other words,  it’s the worst week of every Tennessean’s year for the past 11 seasons.
September 18, 2004, the last time the Vols defeated the Gators, was a really long time ago. Think about it. "Goodies" by Ciara was the number 1 song in the country, and the “immortal” Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow made the most money at the box office that weekend. Modern smart phones were non-existent, Shaq and Kobe had just broken up, Brad Pitt was still with Jennifer Aniston, George W. Bush was seeking a second term, and Michael Jackson was involved in his second child sexual assault scandal. All of the Lord of the Rings films had already come out, none of the Christopher Nolan Batman films had, the Red Sox were still under the Curse of the Bambino, Kanye West wasn’t freaking nuts yet, and people would still publicly admit to liking Nickelback.
2004 was a long time ago for me as well. Back then I was a crooked-tooth scrawny sixth grader who was immature as hell and enjoyed playing with Legos and blowing my money on 25 cent colas at Wal-Mart. Now, of course, I’m completely different, except for the immature part. That’s probably still true.
But that 2004 victory was one of the greatest moments of my entire sports’ life, an existence that’s mostly been filled with disappointment, heartbreak, the occasional tear, and now, heavy drinking and the excessive use of psychedelics mixed with horse tranquilizers.
The Vols were lucky to escape that day victorious. After UT kicker James Wilhoit missed what would’ve been the game-tying extra point in the fourth quarter, Florida had the ball and was attempting to run out the clock and escape with a 28-27 victory. The Gators gained one first down, but were stopped short on their next third down attempt and were forced to send out the punt team with less than a minute remaining and the clock running. Incredibly though, as this was happening, Tennessee defensive back Johnathan Wade slapped Florida receiver Dallas Baker, causing him to swing back and strike Wade. Even though the official was standing right in front of both of them, and saw the entire sequence play out, he chose only to flag Baker for unsportsmanlike conduct, backing UF up 15 yards and stopping the clock. The Vols got the ball back and quickly moved to the Gator 33 yard line, giving Wilhoit a chance to redeem himself from 50 yards away with six seconds remaining. We all know how that turned out; Wilhoit buried it, the fan base went nuts, and Tennessee hasn’t won this game since.
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Whenever you root for a team, it’s inevitable that they’re going to break your heart. In fact, they’re going to destroy you more times than they’ll make you happy. I mean seriously, those of you who are around my age (I’m 23), how many times has Tennessee football made you feel terrible, and how many times has it brought you great satisfaction?
I was only five when the Vols won the national title, and I barely remember that season, considering I was in kindergarten and was probably too busy pretending I was a superhero the entire time. In fact, my loving mother actually sent me to bed during the ’99 Fiesta Bowl because it was past my bedtime…. Thanks mom! There’s not been much joy since then. Basically, all my Tennessee memories involve either gut punch losses, blowouts, or Derek Dooley.
Rooting for the Vols this century is like being in a relationship serial cheater, only you can’t leave because you keep insisting things like “He/she is going to change! Plus I love him/her!”. So you keep going back, and the cycle repeats itself over and over again. They keep cheating, and Tennessee keeps losing in the most excruciating ways possible.
I wrote about the string of devastating post-Fulmer losses after UT lost by five to Alabama last season. Here’s a quick recap:
·         2009: Alabama 12, Tennessee 10 - Terrence Cody blocks Daniel Lincoln’s field goal attempt on the last play of the game.
·         2010: LSU 16, Tennessee 14 - 13 men on the field gives LSU another chance to punch in the game-winnnig touchdown, which they did.
·         2010: North Carolina 30, Tennessee 27 (OT) - Spike?
·         2011: Georgia 20, Tennessee 12 - Caused me to mutter about a million times afterwards “Man, we suck….”
·         2011: Kentucky 10, Tennessee 7 - The ‘Cats end Tennessee’s 26 game winning streak starting a wide receiver at quarterback who completed 4 of 6 passes. FOUR PASS COMPLETIONS??!! FOUR!!! AND A WIDE RECEIVER??? AWESOME!! CLASSIC DOOLEY!!!
·         2012: Florida 37, Tennessee 20 – more on this in a moment.
·         2012: Georgia 51, Tennessee 44 - After scoring at will all day, Tyler Bray ends back-to-back potential game-tying drives with turnovers.
·         2012: South Carolina 38, Tennessee 35 - After holding Jadeveon Clowney in check all day, he bursts through the line on the Vols’ final drive, stripping Bray of the football to secure the Gamecocks’ 3 point lead.
·         2012: Vanderbilt 41, Tennessee 18 - This one wasn’t close. And that’s a huge problem when you’re playing Vandy.
·         2013: Florida 31, Tennessee 17 - The Nathan Peterman game. (more on this in a moment).
·         2013: Georgia 34, Tennessee 31 (OT) - Pig Howard fumbles through the side of the end zone as he attempts to dive for the go ahead touchdown.
·         2014: Georgia 35, Tennessee 32 - Vols upset bid spoiled by Justin Worley’s elbow injury which caused him to miss three crucial possessions in the second half. His replacement on those drives? Nathan Peterman…. Need I say more? (Also, how the hell did Peterman, the starter at Pittsburgh, turn half decent? The Panthers were 8-5 last season with him under center. Where was this bizarro Peterman when he was in Knoxville? And why is Tennessee so unlucky? AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!)
·         2014: Florida 10, Tennessee 9 – more on this one in a moment.
·         2015: Oklahoma 31, Tennessee 24 - Still unbelievable. Tennessee dominated for 45 minutes, led by 14 entering the 4th quarter, got tight down the stretch (a common theme), and lost. You haven’t forgot this one yet, and you never will.
·         2015: Florida 28, Tennessee 27 – more on this in a moment.
·         2015: Arkansas 24, Tennessee 20 - Vols jump out to early 14-0 lead, before the offense went into the tank and scored a paltry 6 points in the final three quarters.
·         2015: Alabama 19, Tennessee 14 - The Tide dropped three potential interceptions, had more than a few drive-killing penalties, forced only one turnover, and still found a way to win. Of course, it’s not all that shocking when you remember that Vol kicker Aaron Medley missed all three of his field goal attempts, or the fact that the ‘Bama receivers won every jump ball and converted on almost every big play.
I mean seriously, has there ever been a team in the history of sports that’s had this many screw-ups/gut punches/”how the f*** did we just lose?” games in that short of a time? Aren’t we as Vol fans owed a break from the football gods after all of this? If Auburn can have The Prayer at Jordan Hare and the Kick Six in the same season, can’t Tennessee beat Florida once? Is that too much to ask?
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I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse about a Tennessee game in my entire life. Sure, there’s been games I went into thinking, “Yeah, they don’t have a legitimate shot to win today”, but this one is different, because on paper, they should win. Tennessee has a ton of defensive injuries (Cam Sutton, Quart’e Sapp, and Darrin Kirkland are all out), but they’re a more experienced team playing at home against a new quarterback for the Gators, graduate transfer Austin Appleby, who has a 1-5 road record as a starter.
But think about these two ill omens that have arisen in the past few days for the Volunteers:      
1. ESPN’s College Gameday will be in Knoxville on Saturday.
The last time Gameday came to Knoxvegas was in 2012, for, you guessed it, the Florida game. Tennessee was fresh off a blowout win over N.C. State and had achieved their first top 25 ranking since 2007. The Vols played extremely well for the first forty minutes, and actually took a seven point lead in the third quarter on an A.J. Johnson touchdown run. That would be the last Vol highlight of the night, as they collapsed almost immediately after that and allowed the Gators to go on a 24-0 run over the last 20 minutes, turning a 7 point advantage into a 17 point beatdown. Ouch.
2.  Backup and inexperienced Florida QB’s have destroyed Tennessee in this series.
For the fourth straight season, UF will play this game with a different quarterback than the one who started for them on the opening Saturday of that season. In 2013, Jeff Driskel broke his leg against Tennessee and was replaced by senior Tyler Murphy, who made a few nice throws and guided the Gators to a 14 point victory. This was the game when Butch inexplicably thought that Nathan Peterman was a capable SEC starter, and decided that it would be a good idea to stick with him throughout the first two quarters, allowing him to put together the worst half of quarterback play in Tennessee history: 4 of 11 passing for five yards and 2 interceptions, and no points. By the time he replaced him with Justin Worley at the start of the third quarter, it was too late.
In 2014, Driskel was replaced by Treon Harris after he threw three interceptions and produced zero points through three quarters. Luckily for them, Tennessee was absolutely abysmal on offense all day, blowing multiple opportunities and chances to drive a stake through the Gators, as they managed just 9 points themselves. Harris led a touchdown drive on the first possession of the fourth quarter, and then another one that ended with a field goal that gave the Gators a 10-9 lead, and eventually, a victory against the Vols for the 10th straight year.
In 2015, Will Grier didn’t start the year but Florida, but took over for Harris a few weeks before the Tennessee game. In this heartbreaker, Tennessee led 26-14 with 10:19 to go after a Jalen Hurd rushing touchdown. However, Butch inexplicably decided to not go for two after Hurd’s TD, which would’ve given the Vols a 14 point lead, and instead opted to kick the extra point. So stupid. What did he think, the Gators were going to have time for three scoring possessions in 10 minutes? Being up 13 in that situation is no better than being up 12, because Florida realistically only had time for two possessions. So you have to go for two and try and take a 14 point lead, because that way, if UF does manage to score two touchdowns, they’d only be tied instead of ahead by one. But nah, screw it, let’s kick it! Florida scored a TD with a little more than 4 minutes left, and then, with under two minutes to go, converted a 4th and 13 to Antonio Callaway that turned into an absolutely back-breaking 63 yard touchdown, which gave the Gators a 28-27 lead. Tennessee drove down the field quickly, but Vol kicker Aaron Medley missed a 55 yard field goal by a foot and a half as time expired, ensuring another Gator victory. I literally think this game took five years off my life. My chest and brain hurt afterwards.
This season, Florida will trot out Appleby, a guy making his first SEC road start, after former starting quarterback Luke Del Rio suffered a knee injury on a low hit last week against North Texas. Under normal circumstances, Tennessee fans should feel great, but with their track record against Florida backup QB’s, this actually might be the worst news of all time.
But Matt! TENNESSEE IS WEARING THE SMOKEY GREYS ON SATURDAY! THEY’RE DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO BREAK THE CURSE!!!
Look, unless the Smokey Greys (crafted by Butch Jones himself in the Smokies) are enchanted with Native American shaman magic, which magically fixes all the ills on this team (terrible offensive line play, inaccurate passing from Josh Dobbs, and a zillion defensive injuries), I don’t think it actually matters. If the Vols couldn’t consistently block Appalachian State and Ohio, what makes you think they’ll be able to do it against the quick, physical, and explosive front seven that Florida will be trotting out? The Gators haven't allowed more than 187 yards in a game this season, and they held North Texas to just 53 last week. Make no mistake, the trenches is where this game will be won, just like it has been the last 11 years. In those meetings, UF has outrushed the Vols by an average of 179.5 to 68. If that’s the case again on Saturday, Tennessee won’t break the streak. Dobbs has proven he’s not a reliable and consistent passing threat; they won’t be able to win on the strength of his arm. Hurd needs to play great, but he can only do so if he has holes to run through. And when Dobbs does pass, he needs time. Can the O-line hold up? I have my doubts.
And if they do lose, what are the long term implications? Is Butch on the hot seat? Does the season spiral out of control? Don’t forget about this; Tennessee’s next three games are at Georgia, at Texas A&M, and Alabama in Knoxville. Yikes. I always felt like the Florida game would be the truth serum game for this iteration of the Vols. We’ll know by 7:30 on Saturday if the Vols are actually back, or if they’re just posers again.

My gut says posers. I hope I’m wrong.

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