Predicting All The Bad Bowl Games; Plus Week 16 NFL Picks

College football is back in this space this week, as the first of the zillion bowl games begin this weekend. I’ll be honest; there isn’t anything that excites me quite like South Alabama and Bowling Green in the Raycom Media Camellia Bowl. That just screams “BIG TIME” and “MUST SEE TV”…. except it actually doesn’t.

We all already know that there are too many bowl games, so spending any time yelling about it until my vocal cords give out from laryngitis is pretty much pointless. Plus, all these games just give me more picks to whiff on worse than “Casey at the Bat”, right?

Without further ado, let’s move on to my college football bowl picks from tomorrow until December 26^th (I’ll pick the rest of them, including the playoff games, next Friday).

R + L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

Louisiana-Lafayette over Nevada

I’m not going to pretend that I can offer a coherent football thought about either of these teams (as will be the case with a lot of these games today), so instead, I’m just going to create some sort of creative, zany, or completely ridiculous reason to pick the winner. Plus, most of the time, every bowl game is pretty much a crapshoot anyway. In this case, let’s look at the team nicknames. Nevada is the Wolf Pack. Solid name right? It’s scary, there’s the whole “teamwork” undertone present in there, and they’ve got the always underrated team-nickname-that-doesn’t-end-with-an “s” angle working in their favor.

Is there a better and more creative nickname in college sports than “Ragin’ Cajuns” though? At least right now, I can’t think of one. It rhymes, it pays homage to the region, and it just sounds angry. If team nickname is the only criteria, (and in this case, it is), then good luck to anyone who is playing Louisiana-Lafayette. Ragin’ Cajuns is great.

Gildan New Mexico Bowl

Utah State over UTEP

Like the last game, I pretty much have no idea with this one, though I did watch every snap of a game Utah State played this season, against Tennessee….. all the way back in the first week of the season. So any observation I gathered in that 38-7 win by the Vols is probably useless. I’m going with Utah State basically because they had better wins during the season than UTEP. State beat BYU when they were ranked 18^th; the Miners (another great nickname. Too bad that doesn’t matter in this game) lost the only game they played this season against a ranked team, #25 Kansas State, by 30.

Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl

#22 Utah over Colorado State

Wow! It’s Utah, a team I actually watched multiple times this year! Amazing! The Utes, despite deciding they didn’t want to play good football anymore after I started saying things like, “I’m a believer in Utah” and, “Oregon better watch out, they’re going to have a tough game at Utah in two weeks”, are still better than Colorado State, a team that just lost their head coach, Jim McElwain, to Florida. Just for the record, I, despite the fact that I’ll be rooting against him harder than every American rooted against the Soviet Union during the Cold War, think he’ll do a really good job in Gainesville, assuming he can find a way to recruit some special offensive skill position players. That doesn’t seem like that impossible of a task, until you remember that Will Muschamp was completely incapable of doing this, despite the fact that the state of Florida produces a million fast, quick, speedy freaks every year.

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

Air Force over Western Michigan

And, with that, we’re back to teams I didn’t watch all season. Air Force did win the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy this season though, which is given annually to the winner of the triangular series between them, Army, and Navy. That’s got to count for something, right? Doesn’t it? No? It doesn’t? Oh, well yeah, actually, you’re right.

Raycom Media Camellia Bowl

Bowling Green over South Alabama

I trashed this game earlier, so instead of trying to dignify it with any type of breakdown, I’ll just make a pick, and move on.

Miami Beach Bowl

Memphis over BYU

Memphis had a sneaky good season this year, as their only three losses were to UCLA, Ole Miss, and Houston. They ended the season with six straight wins, and won those games by 38, 20, 3, 31, 11, and 31 points. That’s a nice end to the year, and much more impressive than anything that BYU has done lately. Besides beating California, who is somewhere around the 10^th best team in the Pac 12, they haven’t looked impressive since September (including four straight losses in October). Memphis is just better.

Boca Raton Bowl

Marshall over Northern Illinois

The Thundering Herd (another excellent nickname!) are one point away from being 13-0. I don’t know how much that ultimately matters, or will affect this game, but I just thought I’d mention it.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl

Navy over San Diego State

Maybe the most ridiculous bowl name. I mean seriously? You can’t even fit that on a T-shirt, or a hat, without having the letters go all the way around the cap. The only way this one loses the title of “Worst Bowl Name” is if Waste Management or “Old Man Hemorrhoid Cream” ever sponsor a game. Then, and only then.

Popeye’s Bahamas Bowl

Central Michigan over Western Kentucky

Yeah, because nothing screams “Bahamas” quite like “Popeye’s”. What a perfect fit.

Hawaii Bowl

Rice over Fresno State

Is their a better location for a bowl game than Hawaii? Great weather, beautiful women, and it is, by geography, the most unique and isolated state in the Union. This might be the only time in those athletes’ entire lives that they get the opportunity to go there. If I was a college football player, and my team wasn’t involved in the playoff, or one of the New Years’ Six bowl games, send me to Hawaii.

Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas Bowl

Louisiana Tech over Illinois

Last time I made a prediction about a game involving La Tech (the Conference USA Championship Game), I picked against them because I wasn’t sure they were quite able to get the stink of former coach Derek Dooley out of the program yet. Apparently, that logic was unassailable, because they, in typical Dooley fashion, lost the game. Illinois is terrible though…. They can beat them right? Or will the ghost of Dooley emerge once again to haunt them? It probably will, but, because I’m an idiot, I’m going to pick them.

Quick Lane Bowl

Rutgers over North Carolina

I hope this game is over “Quick”ly….. BOOM!!!! I think that might be the first pun I’ve ever written. Should I even be proud of that one though? (Thinking…..) No, probably not. That was bad. I’m sorry.

Bitcoin St. Petersburg Bowl

Central Florida over N.C. State

This might be one of the few games where a team from a worse conference (in this case, UCF) has better athletes across the board than a school from the ACC (in this case, N.C. State). George O’Leary, UCF’s coach, can walk out of his house and drive around recruiting on a golf cart. There’s got to be at least a zillion D-1 prospects within walking distance of that Orlando campus.

So there you have it. That, as painful as it was in A LOT of places, is our first wave of bowl games. The ones after the 26^th get significantly better though, for the most part.

Now, let’s move on to the NFL, the league that actually has multiple games that aren’t snooze fests this week (home team in CAPS).

Titans over JAGUARS

Yeah, I missed this one. What a terrible Thursday night match up. Way to go NFL. Let’s just put two of the worst five teams on national television late in the season. Good thinking guys. Thanks for subjecting me to that level of brain trauma last night.

Eagles over REDSKINS

Our first of two Saturday games this weekend! I’ll tell you what, there’s nothing better than watching Redskin football right now. Just seeing RG3 look like a lost little boy out there every week is one of the great running jokes in the NFL right now. So thank you for that!

On the Philadelphia front, there, for the seventh straight game, will be no Nick Foles. I don’t think he’s great, but he’s definitely an upgrade over Mark Sanchez, who has put up the most Sanchez numbers possible since he began starting in Foles’ place: he’s thrown 10 TDs and 9 interceptions, and led the Eagles to a 3-3 record. He’s put up points on some average-to-bad defenses, and struggled mightily against everyone else (like Seattle, for example). Those numbers over the last six games are pretty much what he is, and indicative of his ultimate NFL destiny; a career backup, who can come in, run your team, score some points, and go at least .500, assuming he’s surrounded by semi-decent personnel. He’s not as bad as the media and fans made him out to be, but he’s also never going to be a quarterback that was worth the 5^th overall pick. And you aren’t going to win a Super Bowl with him in the starting lineup. Philly needs Foles. And even if they get him back for Week 17, it may not matter, because winning out doesn’t guarantee them a playoff spot. Just brutal.

Chargers over 49ERS

A must win for the Bolts. Fortunately for San Diego, the Niners were eliminated from playoff contention last Sunday (what kind of motivation will they have the last two weeks? My guess? Not much), Jim Harbaugh appears to be seriously flirting with Michigan, and Colin Kaepernick has less confidence on the football field than Shaq does at the free throw line. They caught this team at the perfect time, and hopefully, the Chargers will be able to capitalize on that, so I won’t look like an idiot for defiantly sticking by them all season. Or, the offensive line could betray them for the third straight week, causing them to lose an extremely frustrating 13-10 type of game, with lots of turnovers and completely inept play from both offenses. Gulp.

DOLPHINS over Vikings

I can’t believe Minnesota is 6-8 this season. They’ve started a rookie most of the year, got only one game out of their best player, Adrian Peterson, and have had virtually no contribution, either on offense, or in special teams, from Cordarrelle Patterson. Sure, they have the 11^th ranked defense in the league, but the offense looks nothing like the way people envisioned it would be all the way back in August. Imagine if Peterson hadn’t decided it was a good idea to open up multiple wounds on his four year old son; he’s worth at least two or three additional wins, right? What if this team was 8-6 or 9-5 right now? They’d be right in the middle of the playoff race! Instead, they’re 6-8, and will be 6-9 after they lose in Miami this week to a superior team. It’s a lost season in Minneapolis, all because Peterson lost his cool and went way overboard in disciplining his son. What a waste.

Ravens over TEXANS

I’d be more inclined to pick Houston if they had any idea about what they were doing at the quarterback position. Case Keenum? Thad Lewis? Who?

Lions over BEARS

The Jay Cutler era in Chicago has officially hit rock bottom. He was horrendous last week (three picks, 54.8% completions), and it’s never a good thing when you get benched in favor of Jimmy Clausen, who was Ryan Leaf-level bad in his one abbreviated season of starting in Carolina. That 7 year, 120 million dollar deal the Bears gave Cutler after last season might be the worst and most egregious waste of funds in the history of the NFL. The team will owe him a guaranteed 54 million through the first three years of that deal. Divide that by three, and they’ve basically paid him 18 million this season for 24 turnovers over 14 games. Really? 18 million for that level of production? Sheesh.

I don’t expect the Clausen-led Bears to put up all that much resistance this week, and the Lions will get their do-or-die game for the division next week in Green Bay. I can’t wait for that one.

PANTHERS over Browns

Could Cam Newton actually play this week? It would be incredible, considering he was in a pretty serious car accident just last Tuesday. Even without him, I don’t have any faith in the Browns and Johnny Manziel, on the road, after last week’s embarrassing loss to Cincinnati. Is it too late to go back to Hoyer? For all the talk about how terrible he was, Hoyer never had a game as poor as the one Johnny Football played last Sunday.

SAINTS over Falcons

What a stupid game. The fact that this one, between the 5-9 Falcons, and the 6-8 Saints, has playoff implications is the biggest on-field tragedy of the NFL season. Either I’ll be excited about this game once it starts, or I’ll be spend the entire time trying to drill an ice pick into my temple. I haven’t decided yet, and I won’t know until kickoff. I’m going with New Orleans, solely because I have no idea what kind of Julio Jones Atlanta will get this weekend. His hip injury kept him from practicing today, and he’s questionable for Sunday’s game. Even if he does play, he won’t be 100%, and I’m not sure the Falcons can win an enormous, have-to-have-it game against a better team at home.

Packers over BUCCANEERS

I tried to create a scenario in my head where Tampa Bay would win, and I couldn’t think of one that didn’t involve Aaron Rodgers tearing his ACL, followed by the Packers’ sideline being struck by a meteor.

STEELERS over Chiefs

Pittsburgh is such a frustrating team to pick week-to-week, because they have almost as many great wins (Indianapolis, Baltimore, Cincinnati) as they do stupid losses (Tampa Bay, New York Jets, Saints). I literally feel like I’m rolling the dice and praying they don’t screw up every single week. Still, on paper, they’re a better team, and the team they’re playing, K.C. has a worse vertical passing game than at least 50% of all middle school teams. The Pittsburgh offense has been, when they aren’t losing dumb games, explosive, and the Steeler pass rush has random games every once in a while where they completely take over the game and blow up the quarterback like 20 times. I’ll pick them solely on the fact that they, at their apex, are five times better than the Chiefs at theirs.

Patriots over JETS

I mean, do I even need to say anything else? It’s the Jets! They’re terrible! The entire Patriot defense could play blindfolded on Sunday and still pick off Geno Smith three or four times.

RAMS over Giants

St. Louis has only allowed 12 points over the last three weeks. That doesn’t bode well for the G-Men, who have one of the worst offensive lines in the league, and a quarterback in Eli Manning who is prone to having multi-interception games when he faces immense pressure, like he will on Sunday.

Bills over RAIDERS

I like Derek Carr, but I like the Buffalo defense even more this week. The Bills have the same problem as the Rams; they’re just an above-average quarterback away from being really interesting and dangerous. Kyle Orton and Shaun Hill aren’t the answer for any team with playoff aspirations.

COWBOYS over Colts

I feel terrible about this pick. It makes sense to pick Dallas, the team at home, against a Colts’ team that really doesn’t need this game as badly as Big D does. But then you remember that Demarco Murray just had hand surgery on Monday (how effective will he be on Sunday? I have no idea), and that this is still the Cowboys, who live to break their fans’ hearts. That game hasn’t happened YET this year, but wouldn’t it be the most Cowboy thing possible for them, off an extremely important, overwhelmingly emotional, road win in Philly, to come home and absolutely lay an egg in a pretty important game? I can see it now; Jason Garrett magically turns back into “Bad Play Calling Jason Garrett”, and decides he wants Tony Romo to throw the ball 50 or more times, leading to that inevitable moment late in the 4^th quarter where Romo throws a stupid pass into triple coverage that gets picked off, killing their last chance, followed by Skip Baseless bursting all of the blood vessels in his head screaming about the Dallas loss on Monday morning. That couldn’t happen, could it? Dallas is smarter than that right? They’ve gotten all the embarrassing, gut punch losses out of their system correct? I think they have, and this feels like a different team than those squads from years past, but who knows? Regardless, I’m either going to feel like a genius, or an idiot when I wake up the next day. It’s one or the other, with no in-between.

Seahawks over CARDINALS

Arizona is in the same boat as Houston, meaning I’d be more inclined to pick them if they had any idea at the quarterback position. Drew Stanton was bad enough, but Ryan Lindley or Logan Thomas? Against that defense? This game might produce the worst quarterback stat line of any on Sunday Night Football this season. Couldn’t you see Lindley having a Manziel-like day? 80 yards and multiple interceptions seem reasonable.

Broncos over BENGALS

Finally, the Monday Night Game. I picked 10 road teams this week! My predictions could get ugly, and get there quickly. Then again, that’s kind of a weekly reality for me. Oh well.

I’m really concerned about Manning’s arm strength. I haven’t seen him throw an absolute strike down the field in what seems like eight weeks. Every throw is wobbly, and it floats its way to the receiver, before ultimately dying in the air and slowly falling slowly towards the turf. It’s no coincidence that he hasn’t had a game over 300 yards passing since November 16^th. As the weather has gotten colder, Manning’s arm strength has rapidly declined. They won’t need him to be great to beat Cincinnati on Monday, but they won’t win the Super Bowl with this Manning either. In fact, as tragic as it is, I think this Manning is here to stay. His throws were weak early in the season, when the weather was warm. I can’t see him, at 38 years old, after three neck surgeries, magically morphing back into the 32 year old version of himself that could power the ball wherever he needed it to go. It’s been a great run for Manning, and a great career, but it might be over sooner than we think.

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Finally, as promised, the unveiling football picks record for the season, something I promised I’d do on Monday. I went back and double-checked this to make sure I did my math correctly, and got the same numbers twice. And if I messed up the numbers, either I can’t count, or I can’t read. Honestly, I’m not sure what’s worse. Anyway, let’s just move on…..

My College Record: 59-34

My NFL Record: 124-67

My Overall Record: 183-101

See, I’m not THAT much of an idiot! Right? RIGHT???

The Week In Football: Did The Cowboys Break Their December Curse? Plus, other Week 15 NFL Thoughts

This is my first college football free edition of “The Week In Football”, and it’s a shame. I really enjoyed writing about the college game this year, and it’s a bummer that there aren’t any more regular season games until next August. Fortunately, we’ve got an innumerable amount of bowl games coming up, including the inaugural college football playoff, and the last two weeks of the NFL’s regular season, and that sports’ always exciting playoffs. There’s still enough football left on the schedule for me to get my fix before next season begins.

But, without further ado, let’s move on to my NFL thoughts for Week 15….

Has Dallas Cured Their December Woes?

Last night’s game in Philadelphia felt like a lot of big Cowboy games from years’ past, ones that Dallas would inexplicably lose. Big D jumped out to a 21-0 lead, and looked unstoppable, before Philly started to gain their footing a little bit, and make some big plays. Trailing 21-10, the Eagles got a long Jeremy Maclin catch and run that took the ball to the 1 yard line (they punched it in for seven on the next play); and then, on the following Dallas possession, they forced a Tony Romo fumble, which set them up with a short field, which ended with a Darren Sproles touchdown run. All the sudden, the Dallas lead had been erased, and they were trailing 24-21. You could feel the wheels coming off, and I was mentally preparing myself to bury Dallas in this space, and make a zillion “Romo sucks” and “Cowboys got run over by December” jokes. We’d all seen this story before. Honestly, I can’t think of a more Dallas thing than for them to blow a 21-0 lead to their heated rivals, starting Mark Sanchez, on Sunday Night Football, in a late season game. But then, something incredible happened. They, strangely, and unbelievably, on probably the most important possession of the year, responded with an enormous 8 play, 78 yard touchdown drive to take back the lead. They then followed that up early in the 4^th with a series that ended on a 25 yard touchdown strike to Dez Bryant, his third of the night. Dallas, inexplicably, played the most un-Cowboy like game possible yesterday, and frankly, I’m still shocked. Games like this one, for the division lead, are ones that Dallas has almost always lost during the Romo era.

So have they turned the corner? Have they eradicated their December problems? I have no clue. Despite the fact that they now have the division lead, there’s still two weeks for them to screw it up, which is they’re entirely capable of. Then again, with the way they’ve been running the ball, I could see them pushing both the Colts and Redskins around next two weeks, allow themselves to finish 12-4, and win the division. I think its funny how there haven’t been any “Oh my gosh Romo, where the BLEEP were you throwing the football?” moments this season, because the Cowboys haven’t had him dropping back and slinging the ball 50 or more times in multiple games, like they have had him do an exorbitantly high number of times since he began starting. Obviously, it helps that Demarco Murray has been able to stay healthy, but they also seem to have really made a conscious decision to pound the rock behind that offensive line, which is the strength of this team. When they’ve been successful this season, they’ve been able run the ball effectively, control the time of possession (which allows them to keep their suspect defense of the field), and get a few exciting plays per game from Dez Bryant.

Speaking of Bryant, pay the man! I know, I know, the cops have been called to his home six times, and he yells on the sidelines a lot, but he’s also one of the three best receivers in the NFL, and an absolute match up nightmare for every team (including the Eagles, who he torched for 114 yards and 3 TDs last night). If they have character concerns about him (and I know they do), then just do a Kaepernick-like contract, where it’s basically a year-to-year deal, with the team holding a bunch of ways they can get out if Bryant ever does something really stupid. You don’t want to lose a guy like that, with as much talent as he has, for nothing.

Johnny Football????

What a terrible debut in the starting lineup for the Manziel era in Cleveland. He had built up so much momentum around himself after he led the Browns on a touchdown drive in the Buffalo game two weeks ago, and the fan base had spent the last two weeks clamoring for him. That’s what you wanted? I mean, 10-18 for 80 yards, two interceptions, and a 30-0 beat down by Cincinnati, a division rival that has a propensity to lose stupid games (like this one could’ve been)? Sheesh. I know Brian Hoyer wasn’t exactly lighting it up this year, but was he ever THAT bad? At least Hoyer was putting some points on the scoreboard every week. Manziel looked lost, rushed, out of place, and uncomfortable the entire game. I’m not going to overreact to one bad game from a 22 year old quarterback making his first NFL start against a pretty good defense, but that was an abysmal and inexcusably bad performance.

Just for fun, I went and looked up Jamarcus Russell’s numbers from his first NFL start, and ended up spending way too much time looking at his game-by-game stats, scratching my head, and wondering how someone could start 12 games in an NFL season and finish with just 3 touchdown passes, a feat he accomplished in 2009, the year that basically ended his NFL career. But anyway, just for reference, Russell’s first start was shockingly impressive, as he went 23-31 for 224 yards, with one touchdown and one pick, in Week 17, in 2007. Not horrible right? It just goes to show that your first NFL start isn’t the most important indication of long term success, but also that the Johnny Football era got off to a worse start than the overweight, too-much-fried-food Jamarcus Russell era. Never a good thing.

No Electricity On Offense In San Diego

My Chargers, who I’ve basically adopted this season as my NFL team, have been mostly terrible on the offensive side of the football since we entered the month of November. Here are their point totals the last six weeks: 0, 13, 27, 34, 14, 10. And don’t forget that the offense only scored 7 of those 14 points against New England last week, meaning that unit has managed just two touchdowns the last two weeks, which is shockingly bad in this era of football. You aren’t going to win the Super Bowl, or even make the playoffs, if you can’t consistently put up some points each week. Injuries and dysfunction on the offensive line have killed this team, as well as the amount of guys they’ve had banged up in the backfield. Philip Rivers, after starting out extremely hot, and getting some early season MVP buzz, has really cooled off as the season has gone on (7 TD passes and 8 interceptions since the start of November), and I can’t help but blame those offensive line injuries for that. Rivers, who doesn’t move that well as it is, is literally running for his life and taking shot after shot during every game. He just doesn’t have the time to drop back, scan the field, and find open receivers like he did in September and October.

Fortunately for San Diego, the defense has actually played pretty well, as they’ve only given up 45 points the last two weeks. That number may seem high, until you remember that they’ve gotten almost no help, or sustained drives, from the offense. That defense has kept the Bolts in all these games, and done a good job of covering up just how terrible the Chargers offense has been.

Is there any other good news for this team? How about their final two games, both on the road, at the offensively challenged 49ers and Chiefs? Yes, both these teams have physical, swarming, top 10 defenses, but if San Diego can just get a little bit going on offense, they can win both those games. It’s not like San Fran or K.C. is going to be able to consistently drive the field on them. Colin Kaepernick and his shaky play start at quarterback the Niners, and the Chiefs are so bad on offense that it’s been over a year since a wide receiver caught a touchdown pass. All you need is two touchdowns in both games the next two weeks. The Chargers can manage that right? Right?

Regardless, even if they win the next two games, San Diego will still need some help from the teams above them. And by “help”, I mean, “losses”. They have a head-to-head victory over Baltimore, but the Ravens are a game up on them, as is Pittsburgh. Kansas City has the head-to-head tiebreaker over them, but the Bolts will have a chance to correct that in two weeks. One thing that would help them (and me, so I won’t look like such a clown for supporting them all season) would be if one of the three AFC North teams ahead of them, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, or Cincinnati, lost their last two. Of those three, is their any question who the most likely culprit is? Yeah, you guessed correctly, it’s the Carrot Top-led Bengals. They screw up winnable games all the time, and the end of the season is just brutal for them; they host Denver on Monday night, and then travel to Pittsburgh, in a game that could be for the division title. If the Bolts can win their last two, and have Cincy flame out in their last two, they’ll be ahead of them by half a game, and in the playoffs. After that, who knows what could happen? I’m counting on you, Andy Dalton, to make this happen for me. Just be yourself!

My New England Patriots Revelation

All season, I’ve been saying that the Pats, while being really good, and the best team in the AFC East, aren’t serious Super Bowl contenders, because they don’t have any game-breaking receivers on the outside that help make it easier for them to score points in a playoff game. That’s been the downfall for them since they won their last Super Bowl, and in a sense, it’s still a problem for them now. Then again, they literally have everything else covered. The Brady-Belichick combo is still intact, they have a physical freak/animal/insane athletic specimen in Gronk, and an offensive line that’s gotten better as the season has gone on. Then, there’s that defense, which I think is the best one they’ve had since their last Super Bowl victory. The Darrelle Revis-Brandon Browner cornerback duo is the best in the league, and they’ve got like seven insane, multi-position pass rushers. They run the ball well, and they’ve bottled up almost every offensive unit they faced since October. New England has looked impressive in a lot of regular seasons before, but I can’t remember a Patriot team looking this overwhelmingly dominant since the 2007 team that started out 18-0. I’m interested to see what happens when they get to January, but for now, there’s no question who the favorites are in the AFC. Good luck traveling to, and winning in, Foxborough, next month. I mean, they absolutely took apart a pretty good Dolphins team yesterday, and barely broke a sweat doing it.

And now that I’ve come around on the Pats, and declared my affinity for them, they’ll probably blow their first home playoff game. Sorry for rubbing my stink on you New England.

Buffalo Stampedes Green Bay

Probably, at least to me, the most shocking result of the day. There was a lot of “Buffalo is a really good team, and will be a tough match up for Green Bay” momentum building late in the week, and I, like normal, stupidly ignored it. “The Packers have one of the best offensive lines in football, and Aaron Rodgers, this year’s NFL MVP! Plus, the Bills Kyle Orton-led offense is terrible! They’ll be fine!” was my erroneous thought process. The Bills whipped Green Bay’s O-line the whole game, and got an immense amount of pressure on Rodgers all day, causing him to play his worst game of year (185 yards, 2 picks, no TDs). It also helped that the normally sure-handed Jordy Nelson shockingly had what would’ve been a touchdown pass bounce right off his hands in the second half. It just kind of felt like the air went out of the Packer sails after that drop.

Buffalo, clearly, is a good football team, and while it was shocking how they were able to completely take apart Green Bay’s offense, it’s not like this loss is the end of the world for the Pack. And no, it’s not a microcosm of a bigger problem, or indicative of anything going forward for this team, like ESPN’s John Saunders was proclaiming yesterday. Its one game, a bad loss on the road, a place where the Packers have secretly struggled (they’re just 3-4 away from Lambeau this season). What’s wrong with just saying, “Yeah, Buffalo was just better today. They beat them”. Why do we have to have such sweeping overreactions to every single game that is played? Green Bay can still win the division, and host a playoff game or two. They’ve still got Rodgers, a bunch of really good skill position players, and an excellent offensive line. They’re still a factor, and in my opinion, the favorites, in the NFC. Sometimes you lose. It happens.

The Titans Are Terrible

I’ve avoided writing about the Titans for most of the season, because they’ve been one of the worst teams in the league, as well as one of the most consistently boring, but what a horrible, puzzlingly bad football team. They lost a home game to the Jets yesterday, the only franchise that might be more dysfunctional and clueless than Tennessee is right now. Remember the Titans’ impressive victory over Kansas City in Week 1? Yeah, they’ve won exactly once since then, and have both a four and eight game losing streak under their belt this season. They don’t have any clue at quarterback, or anywhere for that matter. Plus, they’re about to subject us to the worst nationally televised game in the history of the NFL, as they’ll play Jacksonville on Thursday night. I literally might watch three seconds of that game. What a terrible match up. Jim Nantz probably hasn’t done play-by-play on a game that bad or meaningless in the history of his career at CBS.

The only silver lining from their lackluster play yesterday was that they, by not winning, kept themselves closer to the top of next year’s draft, which might enable them to grab a stud quarterback, like Marcus Mariota. That’s the best possible outcome for them. Jameis Winston is probably a more traditional and natural quarterback than Mariota, but he clearly has issues above the shoulders. Mariota seems like a real humble, nice, hardworking guy, someone that legitimately cares about the game of football, getting better, and not making dumb decisions. In terms of his off the field activities, he’s basically the anti-Famous Jameis. Give me that guy all day. And if Mariota ends up being as good as I think he will be, that’s the first stepping stone in the Titans attempt at returning to relevancy. Plus, it would give the franchise some flash, and make them interesting again, the first time that’s happened since the Air McNair days.

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Finally, my Angry Old Man, who threw his hands up and berated me angrily when I saw him yesterday. His angry ramblings are normal, so I’m used to them, but this one was different. From my Pops:

 “You fool! When are you going to stop shaming our family name, and start being at least 25% accurate on your weekly football picks? I thought hearing Snooki talk was an insult to my intelligence, but then, I started reading your picks every Friday. Talk about a head injury!”

Hey, what can I say, it’s kind of been a rough year for me with predictions. I was going back and reading some of my earlier posts from September and October, and there were plenty of “What were you thinking” moments, like announcing that Cordarrelle Patterson was going to have a big year (just 32 catches for 366 yards, and 1 TD. Whoops.), or continuously picking against the schools from the Magnolia State (Mississippi State and Ole Miss), despite the fact that both those teams were actually really good. Hey, what can I say, sometimes I’m an idiot, and I’ve admitted that multiple times throughout the season. But it’s not like every week has been horrible! Like this week, for example, I went 10-5 on my NFL picks, with the Monday Night Game still left to be played. That’s not horrible right?

My biggest problem is that I’m a stubborn guy, and I’ll defiantly dig into a position (or in this case, a team), and make dumb decisions like, “IT’S JOHNNY FOOTBALL TIME”  which happened last week, after I decided I needed to stop picking the Bengals for the rest of the season, solely out of principle.

But here’s what I’ll do for you guys this week: I haven’t been keeping up with my yearly college football and NFL picks record, but on Friday, at the bottom of my Week 16 picks, I’ll post my college, NFL, and overall record for this season. And honestly, it's mostly just for me, because I doubt there's really anyone losing sleep over my picks record, like I am. It's time I knew the truth.

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Like always, enjoy the Monday Night Game this evening. You deserve it.

The Overrated Season and Career of the Black Mamba, Plus Week 15 NFL Picks

Yesterday, I was sitting comfortably on the couch in my living room at home, eating a late breakfast, watching The Herd with Colin Cowherd, on ESPNU. Colin must’ve had the day off, because he wasn’t in the studio, so, instead, they had one of the many ESPN replacement talking heads in his place. This guy, whoever he was, opened up a segment by having the Worldwide Leader’s NBA Insider Chris Broussard on as a guest to talk about the latest news and rumors in the NBA. I watched silently and emotionlessly as he talked about Cleveland’s recent improving play, and the abysmal and dysfunctional Knicks, among other things. Finally, before letting him go, the host asked Broussard about Kobe Bryant and the Lakers.

My ears perked up. I’m not sure why I was so interested in the best player on a 6-16 team that’s destined for the lottery, but for whatever reason, any Kobe talk has always drawn me in. That guy is one of the most polarizing athletes to ever put on a uniform, and someone who is endlessly fun/frustrating to talk/write/think about.

Unfortunately, Broussard, someone who I have a decent amount of respect for as a basketball thinker, said maybe the dumbest thing anyone has ever said about Kobe this season. I’m paraphrasing, but basically, here was his opinion on Kobe: “To me, despite his poor shooting percentage, he’s enhanced his legacy this season, because of his play as an individual player”……

What? Seriously? A guy having one of the least efficient (he’s shooting 39%!), and largest and most egregious volume scoring season in the history of the NBA, is enhancing his legacy?

And the worst thing was, this talking head host didn’t even challenge him on that statement! How could you not with an opinion as ludicrous as that? Where is the voice of reason on Kobe in the national media? Only a few analysts and journalists have really criticized him, and most, like that clown Bill Plaschke, a writer for the Los Angeles Times, have gone as far as saying that he was having a “great season”, because he’s putting up "unbelievable" numbers (Really? Great?) at age 36.

And those in the media who have been critical of Bryant really haven’t gone far enough, in my opinion. Why are they afraid to say that Kobe, truthfully, has been legitimately terrible this season? Why are they afraid to say that the Black Mamba might be the main reason this team is 6-16, and the worst Laker team ever?

Just looking at his stats, you could be deceived into think that Bryant is having a pretty good season. He’s averaging 5 rebounds and 4.9 assists per game, and his 25.5 points per game are just .1 behind James Harden for the league lead. That looks pretty good right? Sure, I guess it would, until you look deeper; Kobe, as mentioned above, is shooting a porous 39% from the floor, on 22.4 shots attempts per game, the 5^th highest total of his 19 years. Plus, he doesn’t really capitalize on his obscene amount of shot attempts, as he only makes 8.7 of them a game, meaning there are an average of 13.7 Laker possessions per game that end with a missed Bryant field goal. That doesn’t seem like all that much, until you look at the four other highest scorers in the league:

James Harden: 25.6 points per game, 41.9 field goal percentage, 7.5 made field goals per game, 17.9 field goal attempts per game, 10.4 possessions per game that end with a Harden miss.

Anthony Davis: 25.1 PPG, 56.9 FG%, 9.8 FGM, 17.1 FGA, 7.3 possessions per game that end with a Davis miss.

LeBron James: 24.8 PPG, 47.5 FG%, 8.6 FGM, 18.1 FGA, 8.9 possessions per game that end with a James miss.

Blake Griffin: 23.7 PPG, 50.3 FG%, 9.1 FGM, 18.2 FGA, 9.1 possessions per game that end with a Griffin miss.

Those missed shots add up over the course of a game, a month, and a season. Plus, there’s no real way to numerically quantify the amount of his teammates’ will that he breaks every game by looking them off and forcing up a terrible 28 foot shot despite the fact that he’s double teamed. Eventually, when guys figure out that they aren’t going to get the ball, they stop moving on offense (leading to a bunch of guys standing around), they won’t be willing to pass the rock if it ever magically finds its way into their arms, and if they’re big guys, they’ll stop killing themselves to get offensive rebounds.

I’ve watched the Lakers way too many times this year, and I’ve seen multiple games this season where you could physically see Kobe making this decision: “Screw these guys, we’re losing, I’m the Black Mamba, and instead of continuing to be a good teammate by involving them on the offensive end, I’m instead going to hog the ball, shoot as many times as possible, and go one-on-one (or one-on-three, or one-on-four, whatever it takes) for the rest of the game. Oh yeah, and I’m going to yell and curse at them when they get beat on defense, or don’t get back to stop a fast break, despite the fact that I might be the laziest defender in the NBA”.

Basically, when he goes into that mode, you know it’s over for L.A. He kills their wobbly chemistry, and destroys any positive energy or impact created by his teammates during the game.

And yes, I realize this is a terrible Lakers’ roster. You knew it was going to be a long season in Los Angeles when the teams’ five best players were a 36 year old Kobe, Carlos Boozer (a guy who would rather have a colonoscopy than play defense), post-Linsanity Jeremy Lin, rookie Julius Randle, and Swaggy P. This roster was destined to suck, and be one of the worst defensive teams ever. They were set up to fail. So what can Kobe do about that? I see him having two options: either he can strangle every member of the team, and then build a time machine that magically transports the Showtime Lakers to 2014; or he can just start acting like he gives a crap defensively, and at least pretend that he cares about his teammates. And since time travel, at least at this point, is impossible, coupled with the fact that he can’t legally murder all of his teammates, I guess he’s going to have to, as painful as it is for him, go for the second option.

Clearly though, he isn’t, and never has, chosen to make that decision. He made news just yesterday by calling his teammates, “Soft like Charmin”, and he seems to take great joy in publicly berating everyone in the organization. Bryant, a guy who, early in his career, was real skiddish/didn’t care about talking to reporters, seems to have figured out that the media really cares about what he says. They will literally run with whatever he gives them, and spin it in a positive light. It doesn’t matter what he says, they’ll always find a way to make him look good. If he's openly critical of his teammates, or the front office, he's just a "competitor, and a five time champion, so he can say that". Or something like that. I was legitimately horrified when I heard a story Smush Parker told Dan Le Betard about Kobe. Supposedly, when he and Bryant were teammates, Parker approached him to talk about something non-basketball related, only to have the Mamba tell him, “You can’t talk to me. You need more accolades under your belt you come talk to me”. Real nice Kobe. What a sweetheart. The only thing more shocking than that was the media’s reaction to that story, which has basically been nonexistent. Can you imagine the negative backlash LeBron would face if it ever came out that he said something that self righteous to a teammate? It would dominate every talk show for days or weeks, and Skip Baseless and Screamin’ A. Smith would both spontaneously combust yelling at each other about it. Actually, I might want that to happen. Please, I’m begging you former/current Heat or Cavs beat writers, if you have a story like that, please leak it to the media.

Anyway, with Kobe, a story like that is swept under the rug, and ignored. I can’t remember any other athlete having this many excuses made for him throughout his career. For example, Bryant was legitimately horrible for long stretches of the 2010 NBA Finals (he shot 40.5% during the series, including the legendarily bad 6-24 in Game 7), but because the Lakers won, everybody magically forgot that, hyped him up for the entire summer, and moved him way up on their all time players list.

Are we so desperate for this guy to be this generation’s Jordan that we’ve ignored his flaws, bad games, and shortcomings? Are we so blinded by rings, flashy highlight films, and the “he’s a winner, he’s a killer” narrative that we can’t have a proper perspective on Bryant, and his place in NBA history? People automatically throw this guy in their top 10 players of all time, while simultaneously ignoring the great feats and accomplishments of so many legendary players.

Now don’t get me wrong, Kobe is a great player, and a definite Hall of Famer, but it’s hard for me to see an argument for him as one of the 10 greatest players of all time. He’s never had a season where he shot over 50% from the field, or even 47% (his high for a season is 46.9%, in 2001-02). He has averaged 25.5 points per game in his career, but he’s also led the league in total shot attempts 6 times, and is leading the league again this year. I’d argue he’s achieved that high average mostly due to the fact that he’s been given free reign to do whatever he wants on the offensive end since Shaq left. And what does Kobe love to do? That’s easy, it’s to put up as many shots as humanly possible. And his “great” season this year isn’t really that impressive when you consider this: how many NBA players could, given that they were playing in a Kobe-like role on their team, average 25.5 PPG on 22.4 FGA, while shooting at least 39% from the floor? Half? And how many would average more points, and shoot a higher percentage? 25% of them? Maybe more? I have no idea, and we’ll never know, because there are hardly any players that have that much freedom on the offensive end, and those that do (like LeBron) realize that it would destroy their team’s chemistry if they decided to play a Kobe game.

But Kobe doesn’t care about that, and ultimately, he’s always been a guy on the basketball court that views the game like this: “Whatever is best for me is best for the team, and forget what my teammates think about it”. That, among other things, is why he falls short of the top 10 for me. Michael Jordan, as selfish and soul-crushing as he was towards his teammates at times, eventually realized that he needed those guys to win, and figured out a way to coexist with them, eventually growing to accept their shortcomings compared to his immense skill set. Guys like Bill Russell, Magic Johnson, and Tim Duncan, were great teammates throughout their entire careers, and did an excellent job of elevating everyone’s level of play around them. Plus, all four of those guys just happened to be better players than Kobe.

Bryant never quite impacted the game in all facets like Larry Bird did, and as impressive as his longevity has been, it can’t come close to touching Kareem Abdul Jabbar’s, who won Finals MVP’s 14 years apart (1971 and 1985). Wilt, by all accounts, was a selfish jerk, but there’s never been such a singularly overpowering force in the history of the Association. LeBron, despite playing fewer seasons, has already surpassed Bryant’s overall legacy (James has four league MVPs to Kobe’s one), and King James, like Bird, consistently impacts the game in more facets than the Bryant ever dreamed of. I’d rather have Hakeem Olajuwon (he averaged at least 20 points and 10 rebounds per game for the first 12 years of his career) and Shaq (he averaged at least 20 points and 10 rebounds per game for the first 13 years of his career) than Kobe, because I don’t have to deal with all the bad teammate stuff with those guys. Plus, I get more consistent game-to-game production from them, even if I have to worry about Shaq deciding that he’s going to coast through large stretches of multiple regular seasons.

There’s ten players right there. And I haven’t even mentioned guys like Oscar Robertson and Jerry West, who I’d also rank above Kobe, or Moses Malone, one of the greatest rebounders of all time, who also happens to be a 3 time league MVP, and the best player on one of the greatest NBA teams of all time, the 1983 Philadelphia 76ers. I’d stick Bryant at 14^th, and feel great about it. And there’s no shame in being the 14^th greatest player of all time. Why should there be? You’re a Hall of Famer, and an NBA Legend. But let’s not act like it’s a problem to acknowledge that there were other guys who played the game better.

There’s only two guarantees about the Lakers’ next two seasons (years in which Kobe will make 23.5 million and 25 million, by the way): they’re going to lose a ton of games, embarrassing and crapping on the Laker brand; and Kobe is going to shamelessly and coldly gun, and go after his own stats. I hope destroying the team’s chemistry just so you can climb up the all time scoring list is worth it. We’ll never know. Only the Black Mamba will.

Now, onto my NFL picks….

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For the first time since August, we have a weekend without any college football games, save the Army-Navy game, which would be a really big deal if this was 1940. And just for the record, I’m taking Navy, who has won 12 games in a row in that series.

We’ve got 3 weeks left in the NFL season, and the pressure and stakes have never been higher this year in every locker room. It’s going to be an exciting stretch run (Home team in CAPS).

Cardinals over RAMS

I had the Cards last night, and was extremely worried that they were going to fly into St. Louis, in one of those kooky Thursday night games, playing against one of the hottest teams in the NFL, and just get blitzed. Drew Stanton against that defense? Sheesh. And when he injured his knee, they brought in Ryan Lindley, a guy I’ve never heard of who I instantly had less faith in than Stanton. But they played great defense all night, and the offense did just enough for them to win. Isn’t it a shame that this team, as talented as they are, could end up falling way short of their goal because of a few dumb quarterback injuries? If Stanton’s injury is serious, good luck the rest of the season with Lindley. You aren’t winning a playoff game with that guy starting for you.

Steelers over FALCONS

Normally I would just say, “Atlanta sucks!” and move on, but the Falcons played their most impressive game since Week 3 on Monday night, against the best team in the NFL, Green Bay. After an abysmal first half, they scored 30 second half points, and lost by only six after they attempted two of the worst onside kicks I’ve ever seen. Julio Jones was unguardable the entire night (11 catches, 259 yards, 1 TD), and if he plays like that again, Atlanta will be in this game for the duration. Unfortunately for the Falcons, Pittsburgh has won a few games this season simply because their pass rush was so overwhelmingly dominant, and Atlanta’s O-line is terrible. I can’t see them keeping Steeler rushers out of Matt Ryan’s face. The Dirty Birds will be competitive, but they’ll ultimately come up short. Good thing they play in the terrible NFC South, because it doesn’t really matter if you lose week-to-week, as long as you win your division games. What an embarrassment.

GIANTS over Redskins

Attention New York Giants: Please thrust yourself into the Jim Harbaugh sweepstakes! He’s there to be had, if you want him!

Attention Washington Redskins: How does leveraging the entire future of your franchise for RG3 look now? Is that the worst trade in the history of the NFL? It might be.

PATRIOTS over Dolphins

Miami won this game the first time around, all the way back in Week 1, which feels like an eternity ago. Since then, New England has transformed themselves into the prohibitive favorites in the AFC, and the Dolphins, while having some impressive wins, have also blown several close, winnable games. This is a must win for Miami. They really can’t afford to drop to 7-7 with amount of teams fighting for a playoff spot in the AFC. Unfortunately for them, I think their run essentially ends this week. The weather won’t be brutal in New England on Sunday (43 degrees), but I almost always have no faith in a warm weather team traveling North in December to play a game in the 40s or below. Plus, New England is just better. So there’s that too.

CHIEFS over Raiders

Oakland won this game the first time around, and helped send the Chiefs on this three game losing streak that they’re in the midst of right now. Here’s a good, safe rule that I'm creating right now: if you lose to the Raiders twice in a season, you don’t deserve to be in the playoffs. It’s really that simple. K.C. will figure it out this week right?

COLTS over Texans

J.J. Watt destroys all inferior life forms. Unfortunately for him, Andrew Luck happens to be on the other sideline. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to add in the fact that Houston secretly isn’t that good. Here are their seven wins: Redskins, Raiders, Bills, Titans (twice), Browns, Jaguars. Not overly impressive.

BROWNS over Bengals

I wrote on Monday that I wasn’t going to pick Cincy for the rest of the season, just on principle, because Carrot Top plays the quarterback position for them. Then, Cleveland announced this week that they’d be starting Johnny Manziel, followed by Cincinnati starting to suck me in a little bit with their roster (which is immensely talented) and their strangely impressive record……

NO! I can’t pick them! Andy Dalton and this team have burned me too many times! IT’S JOHNNY FOOTBALL TIME!

RAVENS over Jaguars

Please. It’s Jacksonville.

Packers over BILLS

I’ve heard a lot of momentum building late in the week for Buffalo. Why? I understand that the Bills are great in the trenches, but I get the hottest team in NFL, quarterbacked by the NFL MVP, with one of the best offensive lines in the league. Sure, the Packers’ defense isn’t great, and oftentimes falls somewhere between “average” and “revolving door”, but Buffalo doesn’t have the personnel on offense to make them pay for that. Kyle Orton? When has he ever shredded anything besides a piece of paper?

Buccaneers over PANTHERS

I can’t believe it. I think I just picked Tampa Bay for the first time this season. This is more a “I don’t trust Derek Anderson, now that Cam Newton is probably out for the season” than anything. Get well soon Cam.

TITANS over Jets

Or, in other words, the worst game of the weekend. If they played this one in my front yard, I probably wouldn’t stroll outside to watch it.

Broncos over CHARGERS

This is not a must win for the Bolts. That would be the next two games, assuming they lose this one (which probably won't happen, considering I'm picking against them). Their offensive line is so banged up/confused/dysfunctional right now, and they won’t get the advantage of cold weather and wind to knock down or alter Peyton Manning’s throws. San Diego won’t struggle as badly on offense as they did last week, but Denver should be able to get pass rushers through that patchwork offensive line enough times to bother Philip Rivers, and keep him from playing his best game, which is what the Chargers will need to beat the Broncos.

LIONS over Vikings

What a disappointing year for Cordarrelle Patterson. Fresh off an extremely impressive and eye popping rookie season, I expected big things from the Vikings receiver this season. Instead, it’s literally been the exact opposite. Patterson has a paltry 30 catches for 350 yards, and one touchdown. Incredibly enough, his longest catch of the season has only been 28 yards! How is that possible for a guy this talented and this gifted athletically? It’s been so bad that Patterson has been moved out of the starting lineup, and has played just four offensive snaps the last two weeks. Head coach Mike Zimmer has reiterated throughout the season that he wants to see more consistent practice habits out of him, and has said that Patterson’s biggest stumbling block has been, “Consistency. It’s being in the right place, doing the right things, running the right routes, blocking the right people, lining up in the right place, that’s it”. Whatever the reason is, I hope he’s able to figure it out. He was so much fun to watch last season, and the NFL has missed his explosive, game-breaking plays.

Regardless, Patterson or no Patterson, Minnesota won’t beat Detroit this weekend.

SEAHAWKS over 49ers

Amazingly enough, Seattle is actually a ten point favorite in this game. That seems way too high, even with the Niners’ and Colin Kaepernick’s recent struggles. I predicted on Monday that the Seahawks would win out, and it starts this week. Kaepernick looks lost under center, and appears to have as much confidence in himself as a nerdy, glasses-wearing freshman on the first day of high school. San Fran’s defense has been as great as ever though, and because of that, they’ll be able to hang around for most of the game. But I just don’t have any faith in that offense to put up enough points to seriously challenge Seattle. It wouldn’t shock me if the score was 19-3 again, just like it was on Thanksgiving night.

EAGLES over Cowboys

Dallas actually has time to rest their bodies in preparation for this game, unlike two weeks ago, when they literally had a little more than 96 hours between their Sunday Night Game against the Giants, and the game in Jerry World against Philadelphia on Thanksgiving. This time around though, they haven’t played in ten days, meaning they’ll be well rested, or as refreshed as they can be in Week 15 of an NFL season. Plus, if they do lose this game, they’re pretty much done in the division race, because they’d virtually be two games back in the division (Philly would have the tiebreaker) with two weeks left. This is essentially a must win. And that’s why I’m taking the Eagles. The Cowboys, at least the last 17 years or so, have never been a “step-up” franchise, one that plays their best in a big or must-win game. The Romo era, specifically, has been full of playoff and regular season disappointments. There was the fumbled snap against Seattle in Romo's first playoff game, the NFC Divisional Playoff loss to the Giants as the number 1 seed in 2007, which inspired the strangest moment of Terrell Owens' career (yes, even stranger than his workout in the driveway after the Eagles suspended him in 2005), and, most recently, the three straight losses on the final weekend of the season that eliminated the Cowboys from the playoffs. I’m betting on reputation, and history, and both those things tell me Dallas will lose on Sunday.

BEARS over Saints

Finally, the Monday Night game. Do I have to make a pick on this one?  I don't think I've whiffed on any two teams more than these ones this season. I’m going with the Bears solely because New Orleans is a dome team traveling outside in December to play in the elements (there’s a low of 39 degrees, and rain in the forecast). Plus, like Atlanta, it doesn’t matter if the Saints win on Monday, because all you have to do in the NFC South is win your division games and finish about 7-9. That will be good enough to make the playoffs in that embarrassing excuse of a division.

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So, like always, have a nice weekend, and enjoy football on Sunday. You deserve it.

The Week In Football: The Four Team Playoff Is Set, and NFL Power Rankings

The college football playoff committee selected their final top four of the season yesterday, as they announced that Alabama, Oregon, Florida State, and Ohio State would be the teams in the inaugural playoffs. Amazingly enough, they left out TCU, who they had ranked third only a week earlier, and Baylor, the true Big 12 champions, and a team that I personally think is better than Ohio State.

The Big 12 was the only one of the Power 5 conferences that was completely shut out of the playoff, and honestly, they have no one to blame but themselves. Their hypocritical decision to not select one team as their conference champ, despite their “One True Champion” commercials that ran all year, really hurt them. Not having a conference championship game on the final weekend did a lot of damage as well. TCU smashed Iowa State, who might be the worst team in a Power 5 conference, and Baylor beat Kansas State. The K-State victory was an impressive one for the Bears, but it just didn’t quite carry the same weight as Ohio State’s dominant victory over Wisconsin in their conference title game. There’s just something really impressive and noticeable about absolutely shellacking a team for a conference championship that a regular season win over K-State can’t amount to. The Big 12 either needs to find a way add two teams, or petition the NCAA to allow them to have a championship game. 

I think it’s hilarious that there was all this talk this week about how conference title games, in this day and age of college football, were completely obsolete, and were maybe even potentially harmful to teams like Alabama, because if the Tide had lost to Mizzou, they would’ve been left out of the playoff. Interestingly enough, not having a conference championship game was what cost the Big 12 a spot in the playoff, and all the conferences that had a title game got their conference champions in this tournament.

Going to a four team playoff was a great idea, and one that I can’t believe took so long to happen. Did anyone ever feel this way about the BCS? Look at the excitement around college football that this playoff created on the national level. The unveiling of the four teams every single week was an enormous event, and it became a conversation topic on every talking head show, in every work place, and countless other places, including schools, bars, and federal prisons (they have T.V. there correct? If they did, I’m sure it was a conversation topic!). It gave college football an importance in every corner of the country that it had never quite had before, and it even prompted my Angry Old Man to ask me yesterday if this was the greatest season in the history of the sport. I almost had a heart attack when I heard him say that, because he’s the quintessential “back in my day, we used to walk to school, uphill, both ways, fighting through polar bears and driving acid rain” type of guy, someone who gets mad at young people for not appreciating what happened 30 or 40 years ago. If he’s asking that about something that happened in 2014, then you know it’s a really special season.

I’m also glad the committee finally corrected their mistake of having TCU over Baylor, though I wish they would’ve put the Bears in the playoff, instead of Ohio State. I know the Buckeyes looked the best they have all year on Saturday night when they dismantled the Badgers, but I still think, on a neutral field, Baylor would be able to beat an Ohio State team starting their third string quarterback. But it’s a minor point, and one that won’t matter in a few weeks when either one of these teams would’ve been smoked by Alabama. But more on that match up, as well as Oregon-FSU, and every bowl game, later in the month.

Now, onto the NFL…..

I haven’t done power rankings since Week 9, so in celebration of that five week hiatus, with three weeks to go, why not count backwards, from 32 to 1? You’re right, there’s isn’t a reason!

32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

31. Oakland Raiders

30. New York Jets

29. Tennessee Titans

28. Jacksonville Jaguars

27. Washington Redskins

Here are all your NFL teams with 3 wins or less. Not a lot of great football to be found in this group. Congrats on virtually ending the Niners season yesterday though Oakland, as well as creating the zillionth conversation centered around, “What’s wrong with Kaepernick” and, “Goodbye Jim Harbaugh”.

One more thought on these bottom six: Four of these teams are completely clueless/lost/we-have-no-idea about their quarterback situation. RG3 is done in D.C., Tampa Bay and Tennessee don’t really have a franchise guy (I don’t get the impression the Titans are all that high on Zach Mettenberger), and I can’t tell if the Jets want to embrace Geno Smith, or beat him over the head with the playbook. The other two teams still have unanswered questions, but they seem to at least think they have the answer at the position. I don’t feel like I have a large enough sample size of Blake Bortles play in Jacksonville to really make a strong judgment on him, but for now, the Jags aren’t looking for other options. That leaves us with the Raiders, who I think, shockingly enough, have the best quarterback situation of the group, by far. Derek Carr has been sneaky good this season, despite the fact that his team is 2-11. He's completing over 60% of his passes, and has thrown 17 TDs and 11 interceptions, which isn’t a bad ratio for a guy that is quarterbacking the most inept franchise in sports. Plus, they’ve been in a ton of close games against a lot of good teams, including two close losses to San Diego, a six point defeat in Seattle, a seven point loss in New England. And don't forget their two victories in the last three weeks against Kansas City and San Francisco. Does Oakland, for the first time in over a decade, have the right guy playing quarterback for them? I think they do. Is this the apocalypse? I can't believe I just spent an entire paragraph being complementary of the Raiders. This doesn’t feel right. Let’s just move on.

26. New York Giants

Go get Jim Harbaugh! Do it! You’ll be (assuming Tom Coughlin is no longer there) the best job opening in the NFL! Do yourselves a favor and trade for the best guy you can!

25. Carolina Panthers

This is how I feel about Carolina still being alive for a playoff spot, despite the fact that they’re 4-8-1. I’ve been trashing Atlanta all season, but seriously, has there ever been a worse team in the history of the NFL still in playoff contention with three weeks to go?

Back to that clip for a second: I love Star Wars, but that acting job by Mark Hamill was just brutal. Has there ever been a worse and groan-worthy display of emotion in cinema than that? The only I can think of that comes close is this masterpiece from Troll 2.

24. Chicago Bears

23. Minnesota Vikings

Every once in a while, it’s good to remind yourself of how much of an idiot you are. I did that this week when I went back and looked at my pre-season predictions, and realized that I had the Bears playing in the NFC Championship Game. Whoops!

On the bright side (not for me), the Vikings seem to have found their quarterback in Teddy Bridgewater. I always thought it was ridiculous that people’s opinion on him nosedived after his pro day, which was, by all accounts, not very impressive. It even led that clown Skip Baseless to question Bridgewater’s “clutch gene”, because apparently, a pro day is exactly like playing in a big game. Except it isn’t, because you’re wearing shorts and no pads, and you don’t have to worry about a 300 pound defensive lineman driving you into the ground. I don’t care about pro days, or what happens in them. What’s the point of even playing college football if a workout in shorts and a T-shirt is ultimately going to completely warp all the pundits and analysts opinions of you? I had his entire college career telling me he was a good player, and someone that could become a really good NFL player.

22. New Orleans Saints

21. Atlanta Falcons

I have Atlanta ranked ahead of New Orleans only because of their Week 1 win against them. I fully expect the Week 16 showdown in the Superdome between these teams to be the game that decides that terrible division. Then, after it’s settled, the NFC South winner can get stomped on in the Wild Card Round, ending everyone’s misery and frustration that they’re in the playoffs despite being among the 12 worst teams in the league.

20. San Francisco 49ers

This is, right now, not a very good team, and one that is absolutely dreadful offensively. They haven’t scored more than 17 points in their last 4 games, and Colin Kaepernick seems to be regressing almost every week. ESPN’s Trent Dilfer (someone I respect as a football thinker and quarterback evaluator) seems to think that the Niners staff has done a poor job developing and managing him, and he also thinks Kaepernick looks like a beaten down, mentally fatigued football player. And all of those things could be true. I have no idea. I hate playing body language doctor, because sometimes it’s deceptive, but it is evident that he clearly doesn’t have the same swagger today that he did two years ago. I think Jim Harbaugh is a great head coach, but he also has a deserved reputation for being a guy that wears people out. Is it possible he’s done that to Kaepernick? I don’t have that answer. All I know is that San Francisco’s great three year run in the playoffs is probably over.

19. St. Louis Rams

The Rams just shut out an NFL team for the second straight week, and I’d hate to see them on the schedule if I was another squad (Watch out Seattle, they’ll be in your backyard in Week 17). This group is literally just an above average quarterback away from being a really competitive team. Even without one, they terrify me. I’m excited to see what happens with them next season.

18. Cleveland Browns

17. Houston Texans

16. Buffalo Bills

15. Kansas City Chiefs

14. Miami Dolphins

I’d hate to be the person in the NFL office that has to figure out all of these playoff tiebreakers, because it seems like so much work to differentiate between all of these 7-6 AFC teams. Houston, for example, is in 8^th place in the AFC, the highest of all these teams, because they have the best win percentage in conference games. I was literally staring at my computer for 5 minutes, trying to make sense of all of this, before I had to stop because it was giving me a head injury. So let’s just do it this way:

1. Cleveland is probably out of the race, because I’m fairly certain they’re just going to throw Johnny Football in there at some point and see what they’ve got. That, to me, doesn’t bode well for their playoff chances. Plus, they literally don’t have any of the tiebreakers in their favor, at least right now.
2. Houston is alive and well, thanks to two straight wins over Jacksonville and Tennessee, but their next two games (at Indy, home against Baltimore) are actually against legitimate competition. I just don’t think the Texans are a good team (who have they beat this year? No one!), and I don’t think they’ll win a game the next two weeks.
3. Buffalo has been a nice story this year, but they have a rough finish to the season. Their game with Oakland is sandwiched between a home date with Green Bay, and their season ending contest in New England. I don’t think they’ll win either of those games, and 8-8 won’t be good enough to make the playoffs in the AFC.
4. Kansas City gets the gift of Oakland this week (though that gift turned out to be a punch to the face the first time around), followed by a game at Pittsburgh, and the Chargers in K.C. in Week 17. Could the Chiefs win out? Sure, and Alex Smith could start scaring teams with his ability to throw the ball down the field. Wait a second, Alex Smith scaring people? That’s about as likely as one of the Jersey Shore cast ever writing a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel.
5. Miami has, by far, the easiest schedule of the 7-6 competitors. Granted, they do play at New England this week, but don't forget that they did beat the Pats the first time around…. in Week 1. Still, they do get to end the year with the Vikings and Jets, both at home! So they've got that going for them, which is nice.

Unfortunately, for all these teams, I don’t think any of them are going to sniff a game in January. Pittsburgh, San Diego, and Baltimore are all 8-5, and only need to go 2-1 in their final 3 to be 10-6, which I feel like (though it is arbitrary) is the magic number for the final wild card spot. I think at least two of those three will finish with that magic number, and I don’t think any of the 5 teams stuck at 7-6 will win their last 3, meaning they’ll all be spending the winter at home watching the playoffs.

13. Baltimore Ravens

Baltimore scored their most impressive win since their Week 2 victory against Pittsburgh yesterday, as they knocked off the Dolphins in Miami. They, of all the AFC teams at 8-5, have the easiest road to a 3-0 finish. That schedule isn’t tough at all; home against Jacksonville, at Houston, and home against Cleveland? Not overly difficult. Baltimore, maybe at the expense of Cincinnati, will be in the playoffs.

12. Cincinnati Bengals

11. Detroit Lions

I don’t trust either of these two teams, and honestly, why should I? Cincinnati laid an egg in the second half yesterday against Pittsburgh, and I wouldn’t be completely shocked if they tumbled all the way out of the playoffs before the season was over. I have to bet on Carrot Top look-alike Andy Dalton? No thanks. This team has burned me more times than any this season, and I’m fairly certain I won’t pick them to win another game this season, just out of principle.

And who among us trusts the Lions? I know I don’t. I’m still waiting for that inevitable screw up/choke job game from them, which, to their credit hasn’t happened yet this season. Regardless, both these teams fail the “QB Lombardi Trophy Test”, meaning I couldn’t see either of their starting quarterbacks lifting up the trophy, as Super Bowl Champs, at the end of the season.

10. San Diego Chargers

9. Pittsburgh Steelers

The Bolts just make the top 10, despite their puzzlingly-bad offensive performance against New England yesterday. However, that defense was extremely impressive for most of the night, save one missed tackle on Julian Edelman that led to a 69 yard touchdown in the 4th quarter that pretty much clinched the game. That, and head coach Mike McCoy’s decision to punt the ball near midfield on 4^th and 4 when they were down by 9 late in the game. That was a mind-numbing decision, but what they should really be worried about is the fact that their offensive line is such a mess right now (that’s what happens when you’ve started five different guys, the fifth being a guy that’s a rookie, and never played center until this season), and they won’t have much time to make adjustments or corrections before they play Denver this week, who has equally as many excellent pass rushers as the Pats do. Luckily for San Diego, those games against San Francisco and Kansas City don’t look anywhere near as intimidating as they did two weeks ago. I still think they’ll squeak into the playoffs, even if they lose this week.

Pittsburgh just keeps chugging along, despite losing the occasional head scratching, “We’re idiots” game (at the Jets, home against New Orleans). That pass rush, at times, has been game changing and impossible to deal with, as Carolina, Indianapolis, and Baltimore learned during games this season. That unit could swing a playoff game or two in their favor, assuming they can find it. I know I wouldn’t want to play them in January.

8. Dallas Cowboys

7. Philadelphia Eagles

Will the Cowboys get run over by December again? They beat the Bears in their first game of the month, which is indicative of…. nothing, because Chicago is terrible! Their match up this week on Sunday night in Philadelphia will tell us a lot about Dallas, as will their contest the following week with the Colts. And is Nick Foles ever going to come back for the Eagles? I don’t think he’s great, but he’s got to be an upgrade over Mark Sanchez right? Sanchez isn’t as terrible as everyone thinks, and when he’s playing an average-below average defense, he’s fine. But when he has to play a squad that’s great on that side of the ball (like Seattle), he’s screwed. He was awful yesterday (50% completions, and only 96 passing yards!), and they can’t win the Super Bowl if they go into the playoffs with him starting.

6. Arizona Cardinals

I couldn’t put the first place team in the NFC lower than 6^th, though it’s going to be tough for them to do much in January, or the rest of this month, with Drew Stanton handling the ball on every play. Still though, it was a nice win for them yesterday, a game against Kansas City that pretty much everyone counted them out in, despite the fact that they’ve been dynamite in Glendale all season.

5. Indianapolis Colts

The Neckbeard struck again yesterday, leading the Colts to victory, despite his two turnovers that led to Cleveland touchdowns. Luck has reached a level that not many athletes ever reach, which is, “I don’t care what the score is, or how many times we’ve had self inflicted ice picks right to the temple, this guy is in our huddle, and because of that, I know we aren’t out of it yet”. Seriously, how many times has Stanford/the Colts appeared to be done/just went through like 4 or 5 brain farts that probably should’ve cost them the game, only Luck put together a huge drive/drives that saved his team, the game, or the season? Last year’s AFC Wild Card Game against Kansas City is the most extreme example of this, but there’s been so many, like yesterday, or the USC game his final year of college, where he threw a late, soul-crushing pick six, which he calmly followed up with a game tying touchdown drive like nothing happened. The Cardinal then won in overtime. 

4. Denver Broncos

3. Seattle Seahawks

I have Seattle ranked ahead of Denver, only because Seattle’s sudden defensive resurgence, coupled with Peyton Manning’s sudden inability to consistently drive the ball down the field. While Manning did complete 70% of his passes yesterday, he also threw a ton of wounded and wobbly footballs, one that was picked off in the first half on a throw he wouldn’t have had trouble with 5 years ago. I hate to keep bringing up Manning’s lack of arm strength every time I write about Denver, but to me, that’s the biggest and least talked about story involving the Broncos right now. They aren’t going to win the Super Bowl unless he’s great for them in the playoffs, and he hasn’t been, at least consistently, for a lot of the second half of the season.

Seattle, meanwhile, will finish with three division games, all of which I expect them to win. The return of Bobby Wagner at the linebacker spot really seems to be the spark that their defense needed. Since Wagner got back three weeks ago against Arizona, the ‘Hawks have only allowed 20 points. Is the Legion of Boom back, thanks to Wagner? I think they might be.

2. New England Patriots

1. Green Bay Packers

I rank the Pack ahead of New England solely because of their victory over them in Week 13. These teams though, at least right now, are head and shoulders above the rest of the NFL. The Patriots, in the last four weeks, faced Andrew Luck, Matt Stafford, Aaron Rodgers, and Philip Rivers, all excellent to pretty good starting NFL quarterbacks. Against those four, they allowed 20, 9, 26, and 14 points, respectively. And to be fair, one of those San Diego touchdowns was on a fumble return, meaning they held that offense to just 7 points. Who else in the NFL, outside of Seattle, is capable of doing that to those four offenses? Is this the best Pats’ defense since they won their last Super Bowl? It appears so. I mean, they held Green Bay to THREE second half points. Three!

The Packers, like always, should be thanking the Lord that they were able to transition from Brett Favre, one of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of the league, to Aaron Rodgers, who is on his way to joining that conversation. What’s amazing about that New England game two weeks ago was how the Pack were virtually unable to complete any passes on those timing, three and five step drop plays, because the Patriots’ secondary was doing such a great job in coverage. Most quarterbacks would struggle if they had those throws taken away from them, but Rodgers was able to calmly reset, step up in that air-tight pocket that the offensive line was able to create for him. He was great in that game, and if he can get some help from his defense in the playoffs (which he’s gotten a lot of recently), Green Bay will win the Super Bowl.

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Now quickly, from my Angry Old Man, who has been riled up for almost a week about a contract extension and raise for Butch Jones. From my Pops:

“Why in the world are we giving Butch a contract extension? Who is he blackmailing in the athletic department into giving him this? Does he have naked pictures of Athletic Director Dave Hart? I think Butch has done a great job embracing the history and traditions of Tennessee, and he’s done an excellent job recruiting, but he’s also 11-13 in two years at the school. What’s the rush? These schools are so dumb, they give coaches these long term extensions, and then fire them a year later. Then they’re stuck with this enormous buyout. What’s the point? Why not wait and see what happens with Butch in year 3?”

I tend to agree. I like Butch as a person, and I think he’s a nice, genuine person, but does that mean he needs an extension and a raise? Of course not. Plus, I’d argue he didn’t do a great job this season. The “redshirt Josh Dobbs” decision got dumber and dumber as the season went along and the fans got to see him do amazing things on the field, and I think he’s made so many terrible decisions on 4^th down, and with clock management. I want Butch to succeed, and I have faith that he will, but two years in, at 11-13, the jury is still out on whether or not he’ll ultimately be a success in Knoxville. Remember, Derek Dooley had the same record through 24 games as Butch does, and we all know how that turned out. Would any Vol fan be all for Dooley getting a raise and extension after his first two years in charge? I don’t think so. Let’s pump the brakes a little bit, Vol Nation.

So, like always, enjoy Monday Night Football, or whatever you choose to do this evening. You deserve it.